Tuesday, July 24, 2012

July State of the Diet Address

My Fellow Americans,
It has been a rough several weeks.  Things were going smoothly in May and in June but the beautiful weather, combined with leaving home and going on vacation were devastating for the diet.  I went from happily keeping track of what I eat and keeping a healthy ratio between carbs, fat, protien, etc. etc., to eating all sugar all the time.  I did manage to stay relatively active the whole time I was gone though, and that's something.  I walked and kayaked almost every day.  I haven't weighed myself yet because I'm just not up for that yet and also because I always forget to do it before I eat breakfast and there is no way I'm weighing myself with even an extra ounce of food in my body.  That's just crazy.

Now I'm back and I went shopping and only got good, healthy food.  I feel better already.  

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Survived My Reunion!

Well, I survived my 25-year reunion.  I ate as little as possible the three weeks leading up to it, and this past weekend it was party-hardy time.  I managed to get down to within 11.5 pounds of my goal weight, which was fine and dandy by me.  Today, three days post-party, I am bloated and puffy and haven't touched the treadmill or elliptical since Friday.  Today, I resumed eating lighter again.  Lots of water, tea, a little coffee, no alcohol, etc.  Low-calorie, low-carb, lot-fat, low-junk foods.  No wheat.  Fat-free dairy.  No refined sugar.  Basically, no more crap foods. 

I'm still committed to getting down to 125, even though the reunion is done.  I have felt so much better doing my early morning workouts, that I am hoping to just make them a permanent part of my life from now on.  I have no excuses; there is absolutely zero reason why I can't do that.

I also am committed to staying away from junk food.  Same thing; I feel 1000% better when I'm not eating it.  I'll eat a sandwich from time to time, or other things with a little wheat in them or refined sugar in them, but in general I've revamped the way I eat and I know it all helped with making me feel better.  When I do the early workouts, I have insane energy ALL DAY.  Still.  It still works.  Incredible.  And when I stay away from those foods that bog down my system and make me feel puffy and flaccid and lethargic, I feel healthier and happier and more content with life in general.  I feel empowered!  I'm not worried anymore about whether I will be able to keep the healthier eating and exercising going.  I KNOW I CAN do it.  It's a whole new life for me.

How're y'all doing out there?  Any July news?  I still love the feedback  - it always helps to know there are others out there dealing with the same crappy weight battle!!!  Comrades!    :o)

Me & my hubby, at my reunion on Saturday.    :o)

Monday, June 25, 2012

June State of the Diet Address

Hi again.  It's June.  I'm still dieting.  Pretty successfully too, I think.  I haven't weighed myself in quite some time because it's just so dang disappointing.  I feel like I've been losing tens of pounds and then I get on the scale and I've lost half a pound, or no pounds at all.  So I think I've only weighed in one time in the past month or so.  My shorts are loose though, and that is great because when I tried them on in April before my DC trip, they were all so tight that the pockets pulled.  I had to get new shorts for the trip.  Now my old shorts fit me again which is great but I'm worried I will get complacent now because if my clothes fit, why diet?  Because it's good for me, that's why.  I have been feeling VERY good lately.  In fact, I have noticed that I've not needed to take nearly as much Ibuprofen as I had been taking.  My hip feels better I think because I've been exercising and strengthening the muscles around it.  That's good.  I have ab muscles again.  Not a six pack, more like a two pack, but still; ab muscles.  I meant to get back to my workout videos but I just couldn't stand the thought of them anymore so I made up my own workout that I do a few times a week.  I do four sets of a circuit.  Each circuit has one round of shoulders, back, abs, legs, abs, legs, chest, arms and abs and legs again.  I do 25 reps of each exercise for each thing.  It takes about 45 minutes.  On the days I don't do that I walk four miles as fast as I can.  That takes about an hour.  Much better than workout videos.

I'm still on the Slimkicker website.  I find that I go over my sugar limit almost every day.  I would say I should work on making that better, but I go over the sugar limit with three pieces of fruit.  Big whoop.  I'm not very concerned about that.  Otherwise I've been "in the green" as they say on the site.  I've had a few hungry days when I totally blow it and eat what I want, but not too many.  I don't feel bad about it.  I even started doing some of the challenges on the site too to get more points.

That is the state of the diet.  Things are going well. 

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Still Going Strong!

It's crazy, I KNOW!  But since my last post 15 days ago, this is by far the LONGEST I have stuck to a "plan" and not ended up fizzling out along the way.  Two weeks, and I'm still dropping pounds.  I started at 152.0 on April 23rd, and today I am 141.5.  THIS IS BIG!  I am pumped.  I am still doing the every day early-morning workouts, and I am absolutely convinced the morning exercise - a treadmill jaunt, an elliptical session, a simple walk - ANYTHING - is the Magic Pill.  It gets my entire BEING moving.  Mentally, I feel GREAT right at the start of my day, and that keeps me motivated all day to eat the right stuff.  When I have moments of weakness (and believe me, I DO...), I indulge - but on a very small scale, and I make sure I record every single calorie.  This means that instead of blowing the whole day after I eat lunch at India Palace, because I convince myself stupidly that the entire day is a wash - I write it down, I recover emotionally, I MOVE ON - right back to my careful recording of calories.  I NEVER deny myself a bite of something others are pigging out on in front of me - I eat the cookie, or I sample the pizza - but instead of eating an entire serving of something unhealthy, I just taste - and then I STOP.  This is something I have never, EVER been able to do - until now.

My "eat light" efforts have been assisted somewhat the past 5 days by the fact that I got my tongue pierced last Friday.  I've been drinking a lot of Slim Fast shakes and iced coffee, LOL.  But today I found I could eat almost normally, and instead of being swollen to the size of a large potato, my tongue is now more plum-sized.  HOORAY!  We women do the most bizarre things when faced with crippling emotional upheaval and impending midlife crises... More on that some other time.

I hope y'all are still fighting the good fight out there!  Keep at it!  This is a battle that CAN and WILL BE WON!!!


Thursday, May 31, 2012

Having the flu is so inspiring!

Hello!  Anne is here and recovering quite slowly from the flu.  ugh.  Something about my body violently extracting all of the contents of my digestive system makes me all excited about eating real, good food again.  Then I visited The Chunkersons blog and Kristin, you have inspired me!  You wrote about snacking on veggies with some homemade dip and now that's all I can think of.   My mom makes this and actually, it's not all bad for us.

Veggie dip:

1 cup mayo (I know, I know)
1 cup cottage cheese
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce (more or less to taste)
1/2 tsp celery seed
1/2 tsp garlic powder
salt to taste
1 small onion grated (more or less to taste)
Mix well and refrigerate. 

I make a half batch for myself.  Mayo?  Yeah, it's not all that bad...and you could use less or substitute yogurt or sour cream if you'd rather.  I like it a lot!  And anything to make those veggies go down a little easier is always good.

I'm making my grocery list and I'm craving fresh strawberries and oranges.   Fish, shrimp, and steak done to perfection.  Sweet potato fries...  gah!  I never knew I loved sweet potatoes!    Now if I could just get enough energy to actually go to the store.  Jello and broth don't really do much for me there.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Could It Really Be.......?

.....so simple?

I SO would love to believe it.  I keep waiting (WEIGHTING???) for the bomb to drop, for the plateau to hit, or for myself to wake up.  I feel like I'm living someone else's weird, surreal life.  This is because I have been trying, and struggling, and fighting, and failing at this dieting bullshit for twenty effing months, and suddenly... the weight is suddenly falling off, and I'm not doing anything crazy, stupendous or monumental, and I'm not hungry, crabby, or starving.  It seems too good to be true, and when something seems that way... it usually is.  Except, this isn't.  This is actually TRUE...

I'll elaborate - but I'll try to condense:


I'm counting every calorie.  I've been doing this for over twelve years, almost every day.  I know it doesn't work for everyone, but I know that it DOES work for ME.  When I count, I lose.  When I don't... I don't.  So, I must.  So, I am.  I'm using the SparkPeople.com free website and app for my phone, and I'm entering in every single frickin' calorie, right down to my sugarless gum and chewy vitamin C.  I know that sounds obsessive.  I do.  But... I also know that when I'm 100% accountable to myself, I see the results that I want - the success I've been struggling so hard to reach.  I have now come to that point where I'm just SO sick and tired of these excess pounds.  I've been carrying, on average, 35 pounds more than I'm comfortable with for the past 20 months, and I've been yo-yoing up and down, up and down, every week/month with no real lasting progress.  I stick to my diligent plan for a week, maybe two, then I have a birthday dinner, or a Book Club meeting, and that ONE splurge throws my motivation and my willpower all out of whack, and before I know it, I've gained back anything I've lost, PLUS I add a few pounds onto that.  The yo-yoing is depressing, debilitating, and emotionally crippling.  And up to this point it has ruled my life, week after week, month after month, for twenty months.  On April 22nd, I finally hit my breaking point.  I was just fed-up.  I couldn't do the yo-yoing anymore.  I was just... DONE.  And that was that.  I re-evaluated everything I was doing, tried to pinpoint everything I was doing WRONG, and re-vamped my strategy - again. 


I am exercising EVERY DAY for 60-90 minutes EARLY in the morning.  This is the single-most amazing transformation that has happened in my life since April 23rd.  (The day I consider my most recent "start-over" day).  I set my alarm for 5:45 a.m., and I'm on the treadmill or elliptical machine by 6:15.  EVERY day.  Once the weather is warm enough that early, I could walk on the road out by our house - though I'll have to carry a handgun, to scare off the bears, cougars, and coyotes.  The more I think of it... I may just stay indoors.  I do not move fast.  Many days, I barely break much of a sweat.  But the early morning movement has completely changed how I feel physically, and mentally.  I used to lie in bed every morning for a full hour, listening to my teenager getting ready for school, and then I'd haul my ass up at 7:15 to say goodbye to her as she headed out to the bus stop.  Now, instead of just listening to her getting ready, I'm watching a movie or a Netflix t.v. show, and I'm moving and getting my blood pumping and my sluggish metabolism going.  I promise you, if this were not making me feel so much better, I would not say that it is.  But the craziest part of all is that my appetite has DISAPPEARED.  This can only be the result of the increased metabolism due to the exercise, because it's the only piece that's a major change for me.  I've done the 1200-calorie thing for twelve years, and most days, I stick to that.  What my new success proves to me is, I can't lose the weight - or have any hope of controlling my appetite or cravings - UNLESS I GET MY ASS MOVING.  And for me, the early morning time-slot seems to be the missing link.  I fly off the machine after 60 or 90 minutes and I cannot wait to start the day!  WTF?!  I used to drag my ass around all day with ZERO energy.  Now, I have so much energy all damn day long I don't know what the hell to do with it all.  The most insane side-effect is the decreased appetite.  It is 6:40 p.m. right now, and I have consumed exactly 450 calories so far today.  And, I've barely noticed!  I feel so good and so pumped up, both by the dropping number on my scale AND by the energy surge I have all day, that I literally have trouble hitting 900 calories by 9:00 p.m. most days.  Here's a news flash:  If you eat 900-1000 calories per day, and exercise (a.k.a., WALK) 60-90 minutes every day... you are GOING to lose 3-4 pounds per week.  PERIOD.  It's impossible to gain or even maintain when you're riding a calorie deficit like that.  If I was hungry, or lacking energy as a result of my low-calorie intake or my exercising, then I would not be able to do this!  But the exact opposite is happening.  I'm literally sitting here tonight scratching my head, saying, "Shouldn't I be starving right now?  Why am I not even HUNGRY for supper?"  It's weird and crazy and thrilling, all at once.


I'm eating right.  Healthy, REAL foods.  I'm also not eating white-flour carbs, or refined sugar.  And the nuttiest part is, I'M NOT CRAVING THEM ANYMORE.    I'm eating only when I'm hungry, and then only a single serving of something healthy, like a serving of fresh veggies with a little light veggie dip I make at home, or hummus; a bowl of mixed fresh fruits, a couple rye crackers with a wedge of Laughing Cow cheese on it (bleu cheese is my favorite!); a burger made with ground venison (no bun - and only a little mustard for flavor) or a taco salad with taco-seasoned ground venison, lettuce, tomato, a tiny bit of shredded taco cheese, and some salsa; a light string cheese or Greek yogurt when I'm craving dairy; a serving of dry roasted peanuts or raw almonds when I'm craving something crunchy; some fresh fish here and there, or a baked chicken breast.  I'm drinking only ice water, hot teas, cold-brewed iced teas, one cup of coffee in the morning, and I have discovered a NEW MIRACLE BEVERAGE that I have to share:  SoBe Lifewater - naturally sweetened (with a stevia-based extract), and 6 or 7 DELICIOUS flavors!  They're $1 per bottle at WalMart.  I actually found a picture of my three favorites - the Yumberry Pomegranate is UNBELIEVABLE!  I sip it all day, and I DO NOT CRAVE POP!  I highly recommend it. 

That's it, in a nutshell.  Three basic things.

1.  Count every calorie and stick between 1000 and 1200 daily.
2.  Exercise (walk) an hour or more every day, even slowly.  Just get MOVING.
3.  Eat healthy food.  No garbage/crap/junk.  No fast food.  No sugar or white flour.  A.K.A.. HEALTHY STUFF.

A final note:  I'm finding that the old mantra, "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" applies to me today.  This morning, I went to Big Apple Bagel.  I ordered a Breakfast B.L.T. with plain cream cheese on a cheddar herb bagel - for my supervisor at work.  I ordered a plain bagel for my 3-year-old to munch on before gymnastics.  But even though Big Apple is one of my favorite snack spots, I didn't order a thing for myself.  Why?  HOW???  Because NOTHING - not even my beloved bagels - taste as good as the way I have felt the past 29 days.  I am nine pounds down in four weeks, and I don't just feel great physically as a result (I went out and bought a pair of size 5 jeggings at Deb, and they're NOT tight - WTF?!), but I also feel amazing mentally!  Totally empowered, completely in control of my eating (for once) and my food choices, and not willing to sabotage myself any longer.  I was SO in denial until now.  I would tell myself, "It's just ONE cookie!"  Or, "It's just ONE little McDonald's Junior Cheeseburger!"  I thought a single serving here or there of something unhealthy wasn't enough to derail me.  But of course, those cheats DO derail us.  Not necessarily physically, or diet-wise.  But emotionally, and mentally.  Those little cheats are what convince us that we're not going to succeed; that we're slaving away and starving ourselves for nothing, because we're still the same weight we've been for months - or years.  We have one or two little slip-ups and we feel like we're doomed to FAIL, and we feel like we can't do it and that we're NEVER going to succeed.  It's this revelation that allowed me to walk out of Big Apple this morning empty-handed, and that keeps me out of the McDonald's drive-through on the way to work, and out of the pop machines I pass everywhere.  I CAN'T eat the bad stuff if I want to lose this weight.  This does not mean that I will never taste a bagel again, or drink a can of Coke again, or go through DQ again.  Of course I will!  But what it DOES mean is, I cannot do those things right NOW - AT ALL.  Not even a little.  NOT EVEN ONCE.  One slip is all it takes to derail me emotionally, unfortunately.

Sorry this got so long, but... I had to share.   

State of the Diet Address

I FINALLLLLLLLYYY lost one pound.  I've been on my diet, my MILITANT diet, all of May and first I gained a half a pound, and now I have lost a whole pound.  Or should I say; four sticks of butter.  I have lost four sticks of butter.  I'd like to say I "officially" lost four sticks of butter, but you can't really count those sticks of butter as weight lost until you lose 20 or 25 sticks of butter.  I bet my body fluctuates all day long and I if I weighed myself any time other than first thing in the morning, after a productive poop, buck naked starving and dehydrated, I would be disappointed.  No, not disappointed.  Suicidal. 

My pants were not painful to put on (clean) this morning and that counts for a lot with me.  Because I have been so disappointed with my lack-of-weight-loss, I have reluctantly decided to increase my level and frequency of exercise.  Gross.  I'm getting old and it sucks.  Exercise is painful.  I am so incredibly out of shape from a winter of watching MeTV and sitting on my ass.  The first few times I rode my bike this year were painful.  The first time I did it, it was so hard that I thought my tires must be flat.  They weren't.  The biking is getting easier, but it's still shockingly hard.  Last year it was a dream.  It was so fun because it was so easy.  This year I see a hill; or more correctly, I see a slight incline; and I want to cry. 

I've been walking a lot too.  I usually walk four miles because that is a country block.  I've been aiming to do it in an hour and I'm almost making it.  I'm only off by a few minutes.  My butt is sooooo sore.  And I think I have arthritis in my right hip.  No, I KNOW I have arthritis in my hip.  Sometimes it hurts like a sonofabitch and I have started having to sleep with a pillow between my knees. 

I also started an exercise routine to do on days when I don't walk or bike or do a tape.  It's just lunges and squats and crunches and stuff.  I do about 30 minutes and call it good. 

I've been trying to be HEALTHY lately and have been only feeding myself stuff my body actually needs.  I'm off refined sugar and white flour.  I eat enough vegetables to choke a horse, and I even switched from coffee to tea.  I've been reading labels and I still don't think Diet Coke is so bad.  I got a water out of a machine today and I thought it was plain, but it is strawberry flavored (gross).  It has almost twice as much sodium as DC and is sweetened with aspartame, just like Coke.  Diet Coke would be better for me than this water. 

That is the current state of the diet.  Not so bad.  Not great, but not so bad.   

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I feel better

I'm starting to come down from my usual bad attitude that always happens the first few weeks of starting a new diet.  I'm not all the way there, not feeling exactly positive, but I am getting better.  Friday was a terrible day.  I got on the scale in the morning, all excited to see the results of starving myself all week and I did not lose one single ounce.  Not one ounce.  I was exactly the same as I was the week before the under-a-thousand-calorie-a-day diet kickoff.  Talk about discouraging!  Then I went on to have a HORRIBLE day at work, came home to a dirty house and was beside myself with anger and discouragement so I went to the gym in an attempt to burn off my overwhelming irritation with the whole day.  I did a hard hour on the elliptical and tired myself out.

The next morning I weighed myself again, and I was down 1.5 pounds.  Why couldn't the scale have said that the day before?  How frustrating.  But of course, anything within three pounds is legit, so I don't know why it matters so much.

So this week I've decided to up the intake to 1200 calories a day, which after last week, I don't think will be that hard.  On Slimkicker I've adjusted my RDA to include more carbs and slightly less protein.  For now anyway.  I just feel better with more carbs.  When I adjust to this, maybe I'll try to lower the carbs and increase the protein, but for now, I'm keeping it where it is.

Today I made a recipe that when I first heard about it I thought, "Gross."  but the more I thought about it the more interested I was to try it.  It is for brownies with a mix, but instead of adding oil, egg, and water, you add a can of black beans.

two things that don't seem to go together
When you open the beans, you are supposed to rinse them to get the black syrupy gunk off them (hungry yet?) and then fill the can (with the beans still in there) with water and then blend that up so there are no big bits of beans.  It should be kind of thick, but smooth.  It does NOT smell very good.  Then you add the beans to the mix and fold together and put in the pan and cook as directed.  That's it.  They smelled pretty good while cooking.  Here's what they looked like when they came out:

Not bad!  I tried one and they were very good.  You can't even tell they are made with beans.  One pan is equal to 18 servings:

About like this
One brownie has:

148 calories
2g fat
205mg sodium
32g carbs
2g fiber
2g protein
0 cholesterol
19g sugar

Thursday, May 3, 2012

I still think protein is bullshit

Yes, I can see how early morning exercise would be beneficial:  feeling good all day, AND knowing that you have the exercising bit out of the way and don't have to dread it for the rest of the day, and I am hoping to incorporate that in my schedule this summer, but for now I usually have to be to work by about 7:15 or so and there is, as you so aptly put it "No Fucking Way" I am getting up at 5:00 AM to exercise.  Getting up at 6:00 is painful enough.  I am not what you would call a morning person.

I ate more than my RDA of carbs and sugar yesterday and I felt 1000 times better than I had on the days I was eating mostly protein.  I am  not even exaggerating.  Today I ate around a thousand calories and more carbs than is recommended and again I feel way WAY better.  I think I need the carbs.  And even if a high protein/low carb diet is better for me, feeling like that was BULLSHIT.  I felt like gravity was heavier and the atmosphere was like soup.  It was hard to even move.  A couple dozen more grams of carbs makes all the difference to me so I say fuck conventional wisdom.  If I felt like that much longer I would have had to be hospitalized for depression.  The only real differences I made were that I had a teeny bowl of raisin bran for breakfast instead of eggs, an apple with lunch instead of some kind of vegetable, and I had some baked Lays with my veggie sub for dinner.  That's it!  I'm not even hungry right now.

Tomorrow is the first weigh day since I've been starving to death, so we will see if I took off some poundage or if my body went in to shock and is holding on like grim death to every single ounce of fat I ever had.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

DO NOT DESPAIR!!! I have found a missing link!

Do not despair, Sarah!!!  I have a possible solution for you, which I have stumbled upon TOTALLY BY ACCIDENT...

So, by now you suspect that the desperation diet is miserable.  I agree.  I did a couple days of under 1000 calories, and by 9:00 p.m. I was delirious with hunger and cravings.  I fell into bed three nights in a row hoping it would somehow morph into a vat of apple pie.  Of course, it didn't.

 That was Wednesday, April 18th.  I was trying to lose a few pounds for my visit with Sarah (Head) Brown in Eden Prairie on Saturday the 21st.  This was my first time away from the 3 1/2-year-old since she was born.  And also, my first trip alone in...forever.  ?!

So I wanted to look and feel good.  I didn't.  I got down there, and there was Sarah, and she has just lost 20+ pounds!  She looked FABULOUS.  Of course, I asked her how she did it.  LOW CARBS.  Duh.

So, this much I know:  Carbs are the devil, and sugar specifically is the devil's employer.  I returned home on Sunday with a renewed purpose and determination and decided that after seeing Sarah, I needed to dig deep and finally find the missing link to my success, as well as my missing motivation.  

You will never guess where I found it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I found it at 6:00 a.m.

Yep, you read that right.  Why didn't anyone ever tell me that 6:00 a.m. would be the fucking key to my weight-loss success?!  Or, did someone tell me this at some random point during my last TWELVE YEARS OF YO-YO DIETING, and I just decided not to listen?!

Whichever it is, I'm listening now.

Here's what happened:  I came home from visiting Sarah.  I sat down with pen and paper.  I started to brainstorm.  I wrote down everything I felt I was doing right, as well as wrong, in my efforts to lose weight.  (This is the former-teacher-Virgo-instinct in me; I like to make lists and feel I've been organized in my approach to whatever it is that...I'm approaching.)

So I ended up with this long list - the good, the bad, and the blatantly ugly.  Written out that way, it wasn't hard to see what was missing.  EXERCISE.  As hard as I've tried to fit it into my life, I haven't been able to do any type of exercise consistently.  So I looked at my calendar, my daily schedule, my life in general - to try once again to find the time.  Do you know where I found it???

 6:00 a.m.

Now, before you say, "FUCKING HELL NO!", do know that I have NEVER DONE a single early morning work out - of any kind - not a walk, not a machine, NOTHING - in my ENTIRE LIFE.  This is not an exaggeration.  I haven't.

But the reality hit me that most days, I am too damn tired when I get home from work and grocery-shopping and being the teen's taxi and everything else to drag my ass onto a machine or throw in a work out tape.  Most days, the thought doesn't even enter my mind.  I get home, sometimes I make some little dinner for the husband and kids, and I fall asleep putting the toddler to bed at 9:30.  Sound familiar?  I feel the same.  Dog-ass-tired, mentally exhausted, unmotivated, and nowhere near interested in breaking a sweat at the end of a long day. 

So, if I can't work out after work, when can I?

There is only one other possible time for me, and it was not something I have ever considered before... 6:00 a.m.  But I'm also already awake at that time every week-day morning, getting the teenager up and on the bus by 7:15.  What do I usually do from 6:00 a.m. (when the teen's alarm goes off) until 7:15???  I lie on the couch, sometimes reading my Nook, sometimes fiddling with Facebook on my phone, sometimes sipping a cup of tea, and sometimes too tired to do anything but stare at the wall.  But.......I never fall back asleep, since I must make sure the teen gets out the door.

 I couldn't deny the obvious any longer.  6:00 a.m. was my only chance to workout.  So, last Monday, April 23rd, I started.  That was 10 days ago.  And in the past 10 days, I have done SEVEN hour-long workouts (alternating between treadmill and elliptical machine), and TWO ninety-minute ones!!!  I need to emphasize something very important here:  I HATE WORKING OUT and I HATE SWEATING.

But after only TEN days, I can honestly say that I now LOVE exercising at 6:00 a.m.  Here's why:

* I get quiet time to myself!  The hubby and toddler are still asleep, until 7:30.  By then, I'm done working out and I feel weirdly empowered and energized!

* I get to watch t.v.!  I have so far watched several True Blood episodes, and am now in the middle of the Twilight movies again.  Next will be tons of Netflix t.v. series shows!  Do you know what happens when you get to zone out to great t.v. while you exercise?  Yep, you don't even realize you're doing it!!!

* When I get done, I have more energy than I know what to do with!  The best part is, THIS BUZZ NEVER LEAVES ME, all day!  It's part increased metabolism, part adrenaline high, and part feeling great and proud of myself for getting my workout over and done with before my day even begins!

* Every hour - or even half hour of exercise - burns hundreds of calories!  And because of this, I don't have to deal with the starvation plan any more.  I can eat my 1200 calories, and still drop the weight.  As proof, I have lost FIVE POUNDS in the past 10 days - simply my adding in the 6:00 a.m. cardio-burn.

* The MOST EARTH-SHATTERING effect of the early morning exercise has been this:  My hunger has disappeared.  ALL OF IT.  I have no cravings for carbs.  Have not craved sugar - not even a little bit.  I HAVE NOT HAD A CAN OF POP - real OR diet - IN 10 DAYS!!!  I have not been able to manage this in TWELVE YEARS!

 Yes, I've also been conscious of my food choices, but not obsessively so.  Yes, I've been trying to plan my meals and snacks ahead of time, and surround myself at home and at work with only healthy options.  I have fresh veggies and fruits and wheat-free crackers (LOVE rice crackers!) and low-fat cheese (LOVE Laughing Cow Bleu Cheese!) and venison and fish and chicken available at all times.  NO white flour products anywhere - but with the exercise, I haven't even missed it!  THIS IS CRAZY!!!  The exercise  - but specifically the early-morning exercise - has KILLED my appetite, and it carries me through my entire day, and never leaves me!  At 10:00 p.m. last night, I ate four huge strawberries (for a whopping 68 calories), and I was so full I couldn't eat another bite.  My calorie total for yesterday was 808 calories.  I WASN'T HUNGRY for anything more than that!  WTF?!

 I'm drinking nothing but ice water (LOTS of it, with lemon slices!), cold-brewed ice tea, hot tea (black, white, and green!), a little 1% milk here and there, a cup of coffee once every few days, and no alcohol.  If I crave a drink, I'll have a glass of my favorite sangria.  Flavonoids, right?

 I have more energy than I know what to do with.  Ten days after starting, I have no desire to stop now.  It's 5:45 p.m. right now, and I am LOOKING FORWARD to my elliptical time tomorrow at 6:00 a.m.!  What kind of freak does that?!

My best advice at this point is:

1.  Ditch the 700 calorie plan.  Still count calories - I believe wholeheartedly that it's impossible to lose weight and be accountable without counting calories, measuring portions, and knowing the numbers involved.  The difference between 1200 and 2400 sometimes can be no more than a few BITES, right?

2.  If you can, exercise in the early morning to jump-start your day.  Just to give it a fair chance (because what do you have to lose, other than pounds???), I challenge you to commit to doing it for just ONE WEEK, and do it EVERY DAY.  If you don't have a machine at home, just go outside and WALK.   Walk walk walk; you don't need anything but shoes.  One hour at a swift pace - NOT jogging - burns between 600 and 700 calories!  I swear to you - you will feel BETTER physically (and the mental high is the bonus!), and you won't want to stop!    If you feel crappy after a week, I will eat my shorts, sweat and all.

3.  Make your "favorite foods" list to help you with grocery shopping.  This is the single-most important reason why my house is not full of crap food as I type this.  I made a list.  I brainstormed all my favorite fresh and frozen fruits, fresh veggies, lean meats (tilapia - salmon - venison - baked chicken breasts - shrimp stir-fry - tuna flaked on a big salad...), beans and legumes, dairy products like Greek yogurt (twice the protein!), light string cheese (60-70 calories each!), low-fat cottage cheese (but SO expensive now!), beverages, wheat-free grains, snacks (Light microwave popcorn! Rice cakes!), and condiments (HUMMUS!).  I make my own veggie dip with Light Sour Cream and Hidden Valley Ranch Dip Mix, and when raw veggies aren't doing it for me, I toss them in a bowl with two tablespoons of my light dip.  (It's only 30 calories, and delish!)  I have a cupboard full of soups under 250 calories per can, and a few frozen Indian meals for when I'm lazy or uninspired.  Make your list, and surround yourself with as much healthy stuff to eat - to give yourself the OPTIONS that will prevent you from getting bored - and don't buy any crap.  You don't have to eat mostly protein to succeed, either.  Don't buy the chips, snack crackers, pop, whatever.  The kids don't need it any more than we do, right?  I have started cooking with Lauren, and teaching her how to count calories and make better food choices, and you know what she went and did?!  She lost 15 pounds!  FAST.

If you find you're at a loss and need ideas for your food list, my list is at the end of the following post from my blog, from last October:


Final note:  By far, the biggest change I have noticed in the past 10 days has been mental and emotional.  I am EXCITED about this!  (Can you tell?!)  I feel like I have found a Magic Formula.  I don't feel utterly clueless for the first time in TWENTY MONTHS.  Exactly 20 months ago, I weighed 159.  Today, I weigh 147.  Only twelve measly pounds lost, after 20 months of pain, disappointment, depression, starving myself, desperation, lack of motivation, and misery - and FIVE of those twelve pounds were lost in the past 10 days!!!!!!!

There had to be a missing piece of the puzzle.  I know I have found it.  Now, when I work out in the morning, I am mentally and physically energized and charged up to start my day by 7:30.  I have no problem ignoring little cravings during the day now, because I tell myself "don't screw up the good you did by getting on the machine at the ass-crack of dawn, you idiot!"  So it has become very easy to walk away from the carbs!  I never could have predicted this, EVER.  But I'm walking proof that it's true!

I have to lose 2.8 pounds every week to hit my pre-pregnancy weight by my husband's class reunion on June 30th.  After discovering this early-morning missing link, I'm not worried any more about not reaching this goal.  

I KNOW I will do it!


I feel like crap

Okay, Kristin.  I'll join your club but I'll probably just bawl through every meeting.  Get ready.

I've been on my desperation diet for several days now and it's fucking hard and miserable, like I knew it would be.  I do NOT feel better.  I find myself dragging through the day and so exhausted at night that I go to bed around 9:00.  I think it's because I've been eating about 700 calories a day in an effort to kickstart some weightloss, and also, about half of those calories are coming from protein.  I hate protein.  I like carbs.

I am actually enjoying eating veggies.  I get "ancient" red bell peppers (they are dark red and kind of skinny and long) from Sam's Club and they are delicious.  I also got sugar snap peas which I really like.  I have choked down some cauliflower and broccoli, but I don't know how long I can do that.  I have been eating lots of fish and beef and beans and shrimp.  I haven't had a sugary sweet since I started, (oh wait a minute, Kira made some instant pudding the other day and I ate that) but I don't really miss it that much.  When I haven't been eating sugar for a while, I find it makes me incredibly thirsty when I have something with a lot of refined sugar in it.  Thirsty to the point of discomfort.  Last night we had some tiny steaks I got from Walmart and a salad.  It was good but like I said, I feel like gravity is stronger somehow because I'm so run down.  I couldn't stop myself from having half a mini-bagel in the hopes that it would give me some energy.  It didn't.

I'm thinking about giving up coffee and having tea instead.  I like a hot drink in the morning, but I am getting a little tired of coffee.  It smells good but it tastes like bad breath to me.  And the caffeine boost is a little over the top.

I've been doing good with exercise.  I have gone swimming, did a workout tape, rode my bike, went for a long walk.  Yesterday I took the day off from exercising because I just wasn't up for it.

I think I'm losing weight, but I haven't gotten on the scale yet.  I'm doing that on Friday.  This drastic change in diet has sort of caused a depression relapse which I'm hoping will subside when my body gets used to the healthier me.

So, on the plus side:  I think I'm losing weight.  On the negative side:  I feel like shit physically and emotionally.   If things don't change I might have to revert back to a 90% carb diet again.  Protein is bullshit.

Monday, April 30, 2012


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Sarah.  So glad to read your post.  I am RIGHT THERE with you, on all of it.  I am in "desperation mode."

I am starting a group, this month.  I REALLY want you to be in the group.  We'll meet every fourth Wednesday of the month (to give us 2 weeks between Book Club food binges, yyyyyaaaaaccccckkkkkkkk)

The Club is going to be a "Healthy Lifestyle" Club.   (Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha)

BUT................................. with a twist.

It's not going to be about dieting, or weigh-ins.  I'll have a scale if people want to do a monthly weigh-in at the meeting, but it's up to them.  It's going to be part cooking and sharing of healthy recipes and meal ideas (we'll cook one thing each meeting, and everyone can bring in one healthy recipe they've found, so people can go home with a handful of new, healthy stuff to try...)

In addition to cooking, it'll be part gab-fest.  Going around the circle and telling how our month has gone, food-wise, weight-wise, emotions-wise, etc.  We all know the real reason we over-eat, right?  All women - at at least all women I KNOW - are emotional eaters.  We over-eat for a reason, and it's almost always tied to our feelings of failure about our weight, fear of not succeeding, disgust with ourselves about letting ourselves go, worry we won't be attractive to our man, mental and physical exhaustion caused both by the extra weight and the emotional effects that has, etc.  I intend to research, read, and find out the answers, and more importantly, figure out a way to make those answers available to help our group members.  I miss teaching, and I feel like I have information I need to share with women going through the same things I am.

So it'll be social, healthy snacks, emotional support, making friends, finding someone to go for a walk with, and generally just a reason to get out of the fucking house once a month that won't result in a 1500-calorie binge, like Book Club is.  I enjoy Book Club, I do.  But every time I go, I gain 3 pounds, and that depresses the shit out of me for a week.

I'm only inviting a few people to join club.  My Mom, Dana, you, my cousin Anne (who is also trying to lose weight), Anne's daughter-in-law Leah, my work supervisor Linda, three women who are either married to or dating friends of my husband, my friend Sue (from UMD days), and if there's anyone else from Book Club who REALLY wants to come, they can.  All of these people won't come, so I'm not worried.  I think we'll end up with 6 or maybe 7 people at the most.

I'll write to you more when I have more details.  Right now I'm in the planning stages, but it's going to be basically:  SUPPORT.  Women talking to other women about all of the issues you wrote about above.  We're all dealing with this shit. 

Re:  the 1000 calories goal - you can do it.  I am doing the same, for a couple weeks, to kick-start myself.  Again.

Do you have an elliptical or treadmill at home?  I have had an epiphany this week.  I started doing a SLOW workout EARLY in the mornings last Monday.  I always thought I would HATE trying to exercise in the early mornings, because I'm always so fricking exhausted when I open my eyes.  Come to find out, it only took TWO mornings on the machines and I was HOOKED!  I was so charged up the past 8 days about sticking with it that I did seven morning workouts in the past eight days!!!  I watched True Blood episodes and now I'm watching the Twilight movies again.  I can't believe I'm saying it, but I LOVE getting my blood pumping in the morning.  The added benefit is, it helps control my hunger all day!  I am constantly thinking about not wanting to ruin the good I did by exercising that morning, so I put down the chocolate and walk away, rather than saying, "WTF?!  I probably won't even find time to work out today anyway."

I have 61 days until my husband's class reunion, and my own is the week after his, on July 7th.  I have to lose 2.8 pounds per week to hit my goal.  I already have accepted the fact that I may not reach that, but I'm NOT going to let myself quit trying.  Summer is coming.  I don't want to be fat through another entire summer - AGAIN.  And I am carrying 24 pounds more than what my clothes comfortably hold right now.

I'll write more soon...  keep up the good work.  ICE WATER IS THE MAGIC PILL.  I hate it.  Always have.  But all pop - even diet - causes fat storage.  Sugar IS the devil.  But artificial sweeteners are the devil's bitch.  I know you've read all this, and I'm only sharing it because I NEVER THOUGHT I'd ever be able to kick my pop habit.  I would switch back and forth between real pop and diet, thinking I couldn't live without both.  I kept telling myself "it's my ONLY vice!  It's better than smoking or drinking alcohol!"  But really... it's not better.  All pop is poisonous.  Artificial sweeteners are even worse than natural sugar.  If you can, cold-brew some ice tea in your favorite fruit flavors.  I love peach and raspberry.  Sweeten it with a little turbinado sugar or Truvia (less processed than white granulated).  It TOTALLY satisfies the craving for a pop of any kind.  All I've been drinking this past week is ice water (sometimes with a slice of lemon), ice tea, (lots of flavors), and hot tea.  A glass of 1% milk here and there, and coffee once in a while, too.  You CAN do this.  The minute pop is gone from your system, the belly starts to shrink.  It's TRUE.

More soon......................................

WHERE are these men?!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

I'm back on

I am so sick of being fat and avoiding having my picture taken.  I'm so sick of feeling like an old, past my prime, invisible dufus.  I'm SO tired of my pants being so tight and only being able to fit into the biggest of the sizes I have.  I'm so frustrated trying to diet.  I really really hate dieting because you do what you think you are supposed to do, and suffer and then get on the scale at the end of the week and there's been no change.  I'm so tired of trying to think of it as a "lifestyle" change because the more I've tried to think of it like that, the more like bullshit it seems. Lifestyle Change sounds so mild and casual when what I'm dealing with here is a major problem.  The lifestyle change can come after I lose 20 pounds, right now it's an emergency.

Eating for me is like a bad habit.  If I was a smoker I could just STOP smoking.  If I was a drinker I could STOP drinking, but I'm a chronic over-eater and guess what?  I can't just stop eating.  But that is how I've decided to think of it.  I am going to stop eating.   I know that isn't possible unless I want to starve to death and I would NEVER let that happen, but I have to think of this like breaking a bad habit.  I am going to stop eating for any reason but having enough energy to struggle through the day.  It probably won't work, but what the fuck else am I going to do?  I'm at a loss.  I have to think of food as subsistence and not recreation.  I have to think of sugar as poison because really, that's what it is.  It's delicious poison, like cyanide or anti-freeze is, but it's poison nonetheless.  Before I started this drastic diet, I recorded what I ate on Slimkicker and saw that every day I was WAY over the recommended sugar intake.  Fruit and veggies provide more than enough sugar so sweets have no place in my diet.

The first stage of this process is desperation.  I am on a less-than-a-thousand calorie regimen until I lose enough weight where my pants aren't uncomfortable.  I figure that will take at least a couple weeks.  Then hopefully the next stage won't be so desperate and I can up the calorie intake to between 1000 and 1200 a day.

Also, I'm using the Slimkicker site that I mentioned before because of the nutrition stats it provides.  I can see exactly how much cholesterol, protein, sodium, sugar, carbs, fat and calories I'm eating every time I log in what I ate.  My goal is to keep all the things pretty much even but it's proving to be hard.  I have been eating eggs for breakfast every day and that puts me over the cholesterol level right away.  I have a hard time getting enough protein so I bought meat and fish and beans today to try to increase that.  I always worried that Diet Coke was way to high in sodium but that's B.S.  My daily allowance for sodium is 2400 mgs and a DC only has 40 mgs.  I'd have to have 60 Diet Cokes to reach the limit.  Yeah, sixty.  One baby dill pickle has 110 mgs of sodium.  So Diet Coke is my guilt free treat and the only concession I'm giving myself.

I've been at this now for three days, ever since my sister and I went to McDonalds and I had a Big Mac meal and instantaneously got diarrhea.  It's like that burger was on a slide and shot out of me in about 20 minutes.  Needless to say, I felt like crap all day.  And why?  For 15 minutes of enjoying the overprocessed beef and secret sauce?  No thanks.  Also, a few weeks ago I had some Cheez Its, which I love, but they sat in my stomach like a tudball.  Not worth it.  Ralph Nader said once that when he was a kid and wanted junk food, his mother said that he can't be a slave to his tongue.  Good point, Mrs. Nader!  Look how skinny Ralph is.

I'm not very good at dealing with discomfort so I don't know how this is going to work out.  Wish me luck.  

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

How Many Times Have I Started Over? And Should It MATTER?!

I am, once again, reinventing my weight-loss strategy.

I have 27 pounds to lose in 74 days, or roughly 2.55 pounds per week.  This is borderline too ambitious for me (for most people?!), but you know what???  I have ALWAYS performed better under extreme pressure.  I am convinced this is why I sabotage myself when trying to lose weight:  If I don't have a deadline; a goal date by which I MUST HAVE THE POUNDS GONE, then my unspoken mantra tends to be, "What's the rush???"

So, onward.  I wanted to type a big long spiel tonight and I've spent most of the past two hours IMing with people I haven't talked to in awhile, so... I will post more asap.  I still check this blog every day or two, because I do get pumped up reading about everyone else's trials and tribulations and successes and tips and ideas and great food info.!  Keep it all coming, ladies!  And thank you for sharing!!!  :o)

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Slimkicker - Cool New Website

Like every middle aged American woman, I'm overweight and I fret about it.  I could stand to lose about 30 (50) pounds but I HATE dieting.  I know how to do it.  I know I have to eat different foods than would be my first choice, but come on, when I'm craving salt and vinegar kettle chips, can I settle for rye crisp instead?  No way.  I'd rather eat nothing.  I hate that.  Part of the problem is that dieting is so lonely.  If you talk about it with people not dieting they are bored out of their skulls because nobody cares if I got up early and did a workout, or if I ate half a jar of pickles instead of a sleeve of Ritz Crackers.  But when I'm dieting, it's almost all I can think about.

Things I've done in the past to lose weight:

1.  I once did nothing but count calories and I lost about 25 pounds.  I didn't exercise, and I ate whatever I wanted but stopped when I hit my calorie limit.  There were days when I only ate chocolate chip cookies and drank pop.  I gained all the weight back plus more.

2.  I exercised so hard for a few months that I lost weight and changed the shape of my bod, but there is no way I could have maintained that level of exercise for the rest of my life.  It was brutal.

3.  Found some apps that track food and calories.  That was kind of fun because there is no way I can lose weight unless I keep track of what I am eating.  It's like trying to do accounting without knowing the dollar amounts of what you are actually accounting for.

The first option was stupid.  There is nothing there worth adapting. I probably lost muscle and gained fat.  The second option was good, but like I said, being who I am, I could never keep it up.  Moderation is the key for me when it comes to exercise.  The third option was fun, but got kind of tedious after a while.

I got an email from a woman a while back that said she was on a team developing a weight-loss website and would I be interested in reviewing it on my blog?  I told her I would try it out and write about it.  I am not really in a dieting mode lately, but I thought I'd join the site and go through the motions anyway just for the review.  I LOVE the site.  It's called Slimkicker and it's at Slimkicker.com.

Its more like social networking than keeping a food log.  I joined the site, made a profile, entered my ideal weight and we were off.  It calculated what I need for calories and nutrition.  I have to enter food into a log, and I think almost every food - brand name and restaurant included - is in the database.  After I enter my food in I can click onto a nutritional allowance page and see if I got enough of the nutrients I need.  I think this is fascinating.  I never get enough fat or protein.  I always go way over on carbs and sugar.  I'm pretty good at getting the right amount of calories, fiber, and cholesterol, but I'm way out of whack on the rest.  I never knew that before.

I like how this site is more like a game than a diet.  You get points and can move up levels when you earn enough points.  You get points for entering food, exercising, eating good foods, doing challenges etc.  I get a little thrill when I eat some peppers or something and get a bunch of points.  When I earn enough points to go up a level, I get a treat.  My treat that I chose is a cupcake.  (Holy counter productive!)  You can get friends on the site too.  I have a bunch already and they check in with me and ask how I'm doing.  I love it!  I'm still not in a dieting mood and don't really feel like reaching any kind of weight deadline or goal, but I'm having fun playing on the site and I feel good when I meet my nutritional needs and don't go over or stay too far under.  It's fun!  You should check it out.  If you decide to join, friend me!

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Hey Chunkers!!

Anne here!  I'm alive and doing fairly well.  I go thru some pretty intense carbing out phases...seems like an every other week regimine.  I do really good at avoiding the crap, then I binge like a mad woman.  Then I feel like crap...physically and emotionally.  This has been a relatively good week with the exception of yesterday... I ate a half a pizza and then we went to friggen Cold Stone.  That place is EVIL!!!  EEEEEVVVVIIILLLL!!!! 

But I have been kicking ass in my workouts, which has also kicked my appetite in high gear.  I'm always hungry it seems and I want to take an entire roast beef and sit in a locked room and have my way with it!  Protein. GOOD.    Dr. Pat has got me swinging a 60 lbs bell.  YES!  I can do it!!  I hate/love it.  I just loathe the idea of picking up that heavy ass bell and hoisting it from between my legs up to eye level.  I wet myself.  No matter how hard I try to empty out the bladder, there's always a squirt or two (or 1/4 cup) left for pissing myself.  Thank you to the makers of Poise for making it a little more descrete for me. 

But, BUT!! the second I'm done and I drop that weight on the floor I feel insanely amazing!!  Like I could cry tears of joy.  I'm proud of what I've accomplished and I feel like I'm floating off the ground.  Dr. Pat is currently training a guy that does fighting.  I think it's like a mixed martial arts thing...need to get more details, but he tells me that I can press more than this guy and he's in phenom shape.  It's so inspiring to know that I can do that! 

Some days later, I'm seeing the results in the mirror and I'm even happier.  After my last weigh in, I've lost something like 24 or 26 lbs and I love that I've done it the right way. 

Kristin! I have another thing for you to read... in addition to "the wheat belly", now there's "Diabesity".  Google it!  I'm reading an article about it in a magazine that Lisa gave me.  Let's get real about our blood sugar!   When I'm done devouring this article and comprehending all the info, I'll come back here and write about it.   It's enough to scare a person straight.

p.s.  I'm back in therapy.   Just when I thought I was done sitting in that lovely comfy chair in my counselors office...BAM!  I'm back...  As easy as it is for me to say "You're either with me or you're not" to my loved ones that aren't exactly the best supportors, it was taking it's toll.  Anne was sad.  Mr. J is helping me with that though...he did say that change, even a positive change, can bring some resistance from others around us and we're working on that.  Brian has even agreed to join me in some of my sessions... I don't think he even realizes that he can be a real negative nelly.  When I told him about some of my issues, he was genuinely shocked and has been much more caring and careful about it.   

It's a journey, huh? 

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


So I have decided that the ultimate KEY to my success is to be on top of my numbers, every minute, every day.  When I'm not THAT DILIGENT, I fail.  EVERY time.

So my plan is this:  Go with my new calorie number.  It's pathetically low; 900-1000 calories per day.  But the sad sad sad sad sad fact is, I LOSE WEIGHT when I eat this amount, and I DON'T LOSE WEIGHT when I eat more than this.  So, what are my options???  I've been counting calories for TWELVE years.  I know my Magic Number; have ALWAYS KNOWN IT.  I just didn't think I could do it.  And seriously, 900-1000 calories per day is a ridiculously tiny amount of sustenance.  The key to surviving on so little is to make EVERY single calorie count.  In other words....... ALL REAL FOOD.  Fresh veggies and fruits.  Lean meats and fish and shrimp.  NO WHEAT.  NO white-flour carbs of ANY KIND.  (Bye-bye, crackers... bagels... cereal... pasta... chips... FUN... )  And beverages - don't even get me started here.  ICE WATER.  Hot tea, cold tea, tea tea tea.  Mineral water. (Aaaaaacccccckkkkkkk!!!!!!!!)  NO POP - diet or real.  <sniff>

I know, I know.  It sounds horrendous.  But you know what's even MORE horrendous? 

ME:  In jeggings I've worn since Christmas, because they're the only thing I own that fits. 
ME:  With my 25-year high school reunion looming, and 27 pounds yet to lose. 
ME: Yo-yoing since I started dieting in September of 2010!!! 
ME:  Wah-wah-wah-ing to anyone who will listen, when I know as well as anyone that the only person who is going to get these 108 sticks of lard off my ass is my own pathetic loser self. 
ME:  Who is fit enough to do the elliptical, the treadmill, or go for a walk outside, but who makes every excuse in the book why "I can't do it today." 
ME:  Who will be 27 pounds over-weight forever, if I don't just fucking throw some ice water over my head, get up OFF my fat ass, and do something about this problem that controls my thoughts, my attitude, my time, my days, my LIFE.  ME.  ME ME ME ME ME. 
Yeah, ME.

So it's ON like Donkey Kong, bitches.  And I mean that in the sweetest way!  Time to clean out the cupboards and get the crap out of reach.  How can we be expected to resist food cravings when we surround ourselves with the wrong food options???  We CAN'T.  NOBODY CAN.  Eat up what you have left, and then get to the store.  I just went.  I stocked up both the fridge at home and at work with all of my favorite healthy options for breakfasts (oatmeal, Ezekiel bread for toast, eggs, Greek yogurt, fruit), lunches (gobs of fresh veggies, hummus, lettuce, berries, chicken breasts to bake, low calorie-low-sodium soups, tuna) dinners (venison, shrimp, tilapia, more veggies, brown rice, sweet potatoes), and snacks (gluten-free protein bars, homemade venison slim jims, low-fat string cheese, rice crackers, popcorn, more veggies & fruits, etc.). 

It's amazingly easy to find healthy stuff to eat when you put enough time and effort into really thinking about what you LIKE.  I am finding that there are plenty of healthy things I like to eat - I don't have to starve, even when I'm starving.  Today, I'm staying within my calorie limit: 900-1000 total, spread out over the whole day, and I'm not feeling hungry.  The protein in my eggs, Greek yogurt, and string cheese have squashed my usual cravings.  Eat the right foods... cravings don't happen!  I'm eating so much fresh produce now that I could probably support a small organic farm myself.  I'm pretty happy we have decent gardens at home, because I'm going to be FARMING this summer!

The exercise has to happen for me, period.  The elliptical is good - I don't hate it.  I can throw in a True Blood episode and I don't even notice I'm sweating away.  Same goes for the treadmill.  I also LOVE Tae Bo - it's tough to get through the Basic Workout the first 4 or 5 times you do it, but it's only 20 minutes!!!  And I lose weight when I do it just once a week, and after a few times, it's totally do-able without complaining.  The ab/agility ball is another thing I have to implement.  I bought one, and have never used it - even though it came with an instruction booklet showing a dozen different ways to strengthen my core, flatten my abs, etc.  WHY would I let it sit in the bathtub for 6 fucking months?!?!  Tell me THAT.

So it's on - I'm doing it.  My best tip:  SET GOALS.  Little ones, for every few weeks:  Mine look like this:

By March 31st (St. Scholastica Pow Wow) - 6 or 7 pounds to lose
By April 21st (UWS Pow Wow) - 8 or 9 more pounds to lose
By May 5th (Fond du Lac Pow Wow) - 5 or 6 more pounds to lose
By June 1st - final few pounds to lose!!!!!!!

And each time I reach a mini-goal, I'm rewarding myself!!!  With a NON-FOOD item!!!

At my 3/31 goal, I'm getting waxed & a new piercing, in St. Paul.  (Mid-life crisis, ya know...don't ask...)
At my 4/21 goal, I'm getting my hair cut & colored - I've never had a pro color it!
At my 5/5 goal, I'm getting a new tattoo - and two new piercings.  Yep.  (The child-free trip to St. Paul is part of the reward, duh!)
At my 6/1 goal, I'm getting adjusted (YEAH!) by my cute chiropractor, and I'm getting a MASSAGE!!!

Go for it, ladies!!!  GOALS.  Small and do-able.  FUN rewards!  PAMPER yourselves for succeeding at the most loathsome task ever invented:  Peeling fat from the body, without the benefit of sharp tools.  DISGUSTING!!!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Half-Assing It

I have been doing horrible on the diet front this week.  I just LOVE food so much!  And I hate feeling hungry, like really really hate it.  I see areas where I could improve though, for instance like yesterday when I came home from school and I was STARVING.  I could have had a banana or a piece of toast, but instead I had about 30 crackers with cream cheese on them.  They were SO good, but not exactly beneficial to the diet.

I have been exercising pretty regularly about every other day.  I really pushed it on the elliptical the other day and I think I made my heart muscle sore because my chest still feels weird.  But maybe I'm getting a cold.  I did one of my old workout tapes the other day and was absolutely crippled with muscle soreness yesterday.  I hate when my legs are so sore that I have to put a hand down between my legs to support my weight before I sit down on the toilet or else I will collapse and probably break the seat.

I hate to admit this, but it seems I am the only person looking at this blog lately so I will go ahead and tell you.  I haven't put on a clean pair of pants in two weeks.  Isn't that gross?  I just can't face it.  And the dirty pants are so comfortable.  I also can't face buying a size bigger.

Monday is weigh day and the weekend isn't looking promising as far as being a good dieter.  I dread looking at the scale but I'm going to make myself.

Monday, March 5, 2012

One week and STILL fatter than ever!

I've been dieting again for a week.  I stayed within a calorie range that is supposed to make me lose 1.5 pounds per week, and I went to the Y and did elliptical a few times and, of course, shoveled snow.  I ate less and was more active than I have been in weeks and guess how much I lost?  ZERO POUNDS!!!!  Maybe I'm just stopping the weight gain train and it will take a few weeks.  Right?  Right?????  That must be it.

Dieting highlights my character flaws and I don't want my character flaws highlighted.  If I don't succeed almost immediately, I want to quit.  I'm a quitter.

That's what I think is the hardest thing about dieting.  Struggle struggle struggle - fail.  Try again, struggle struggle struggle - fail.  Try REALLY hard struggle struggle struggle - lose half a pound when you feel like you should have lost 5.  It sucks.  I'm going to have to shove my fat ass into another pair of too-tight clean pants and live with the cramps, gas and camel toe that goes with it.  Fuck.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I'm BACK! And fatter than ever!

It's been a long time but I'm back.  I can't deny it any longer, and I can't continue to test the tensile strength of denim any longer.  I am chunky.  I had to face facts this morning when I was forced to put on a pair of clean jeans because I spilled strawberry short cake all over the pair I had been wearing for days and days, and was planning to continue wearing for days and days.  I really really really didn't want to wear a pair of clean pants today.  You know how it is; those days when you feel extra bloaty (probably from the ginormous piece of cake you had last night) and the thought of slipping into some nicely stretched pants is just plain comforting.  I almost went ahead and wore the dirty jeans again because they are really dark and you couldn't see the stain, but then I thought to myself, "Self, you can't go that low.  Just put on some clean pants."  So I forced my enlarged thighs into the clean pants and if denim fibers were tiny people, they would have linked arms as if preparing for a tsunami, and if those tiny denim fibers could talk they would have said, "CAN'T. HOLD. ON. MUCH. LONGER!" through gritted teeth.  They did manage to hold the line all day, thank goodness, and the pants have loosened considerably throughout the day.  Broken in!  I will not have to put a pair of fresh denim pants on until I loose five pounds, and that, my friends, will make all the difference.

What's my plan THIS time?  Well, the usual.  I'm going weigh myself regularly, track what I eat, and exercise.  Sigh.  Starting tomorrow.  Anne says to cut back on the wheat too.  I'll try that.  But Mama loves her some wheat, so I'm not too optimistic about that.

Sunday, February 26, 2012


So, yeah.  I've been a hermit.  Only reason being, nothing fantabulous to report.  I've had two decidedly depressing eating months.  Now, I'm hoping for YET ANOTHER re-boot.  Actually, I'm out of time - my class reunion finally looms closer than is comfortable.  By July 7th, I have to be 28.5 pounds lighter, or I'm staying the **ck home.

I've signed up on the free "SparkPeople" site, to help with daily tracking of nutrition and exercise minutes.  Boy, is this a huge help!  I've been carrying around little scraps of paper the past twelve years, with my food intake and exercise scribbled on it.  Now, with the SparkPeople free app for my android phone, I always have my list right in my pocket.  I highly recommend this site for anyone who counts calories, or who would like daily motivation (FREE!) and tips and encouragement.  Kind of like a free Internet guru, LOL!

You can follow it online at:    www.sparkpeople.com
or find the free apps at the android app store.
(This site is very similar to "My Fitness Pal," if you've heard of that one!)

Well, I'm off to plan an Oscars evening at home with my Mom.  I watch the Oscars EVERY YEAR.  I can't remember the last time I've missed them, honestly.  I'm planning big salads and hot tea, instead of chips and pop and other crap food.  Yay.  I'm also planning to be on the elliptical for at least an hour of the show.  Yay.

How's everyone doing out there?  Wondering if anyone still checks this blog?  If so, soldier on, ladies!!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Happy February!

I made it through the 4 week challenge.  I only cheated a couple of times (pizza), but I think that's ok considering....

I feel better and look better.  I don't have that puffy look, esp in my face.  And my skin continues to change for the better also.  My weight didn't change much, but that has more to do with my portion control, or lack of it.

I went back to days 1-4 of my diet plan and hello, wake up call.  Even though I have been eating super healthy foods, I've been eating too much of them.  Time to scale it back a notch and on day three, I'm noticing a big difference.

Carry on!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012



I have had a couple of VERY CRAPPY food weeks.  It never fails to amaze (and disgust) me to see how L-O-N-G it takes to lose a measly @#$%* FIVE pounds, and how LITTLE TIME it takes to GAIN five pounds.  On December 26th, I weighed 155.5.  This morning, I WEIGHED 156.0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been trying, working, starving, fighting cravings, avoiding my favorite foods, ignoring hunger, ignoring SANGRIA, and whimpering myself to sleep for the past MONTH - and for what?!  Of course I've cheated here and there, DUH.  OBVIOUSLY.  And yeah, we had a birthday party for my husband last night.  And yeah, I ate a bowl of chili (homemade, with venison) with basmati rice and a piece of cake (gluten-free and organic!).  And yes, I also ate a few crackers (rice, of course!) and drank two glasses of moscato.  But to be HEAVIER than I was a month ago this morning?!  How did I gain three pounds in 3 hours?!

Needless to say, my motivation is in the crapper today and I've already guzzled a can of Dr. Pepper and a can of Coke Classic (which I am sucking on now), as well as an "Everything" bagel with eggs & fake cheese, AND a huge piece of the "fake cake" I made for the other party attendees - Pillsbury dark chocolate with chocolate-fudge-lardy-preservatived-horrid frosting.  

Yes, it's sad but true.  Today, I DON'T CARE WHAT I EAT, or how much additional damage I do.  I SERIOUSLY want to crawl in a hole.

Sorry for the downer - I'd rather be inspiring and uplifting.  But what I guess I really need is for someone to slap me silly (at least verbally) and tell me I look as hideous as I feel.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Day 15

I've made it to the half way mark of my 30 day no wheat challenge.  It's getting easier, and I feel kinda proud of myself for pulling out of some really bad cravings and nourishing my body and mind with REAL food. 

I did say I'd go 100% no wheat, but I lied.  Sort of.   There are those nasty hidden gluten thickeners in things that I have cut back on, but are sometimes totally unavoidable.  BUT there are the good wheats that I don't need to deprive myself of.  Ezekiel bread and the Ezekiel CEREAL (oh yes, there is!) are on the menu and OK to have.

Although they are on the menu, I still limit the amounts.  This cereal is AWESOME in Greek yogurt with fresh blueberries.   It's like a Grape Nuts texture.  Love the almonds in there, too.

Oh man, then there's my new favorite sugar craving buster....  natural peanut butter.  Just ground peanuts and sea salt.  I mix a tbsp of pb with a tbsp of coconut oil and a smidge of honey....  dalish, filling, good fats, good oils, and good proteins.  Might have to add some of my cereal in there next time for a little crunch! 

Thursday afternoon, I was craving Mickey D's so badly but I didn't want to go out into the freezing cold to get it.  I made my own burger, no bun, fresh WI cheese (do you know how much I love living here?  Lots!), and zucchini spears with a sour cream/cottage cheese & seasoning dip.  I was stuffed, satisfied and proud.... not slow, sluggish, and depressed like I would have been if my craving had got the best of me. 

Also upped the weight amount in my kettle bells classes.  Whoa.  I swear I had a charlie horse in the middle of my back yesterday while working out.  I never thought I actually had muscle there... it's always been, well mushel.  Fat and a spine.   I wanted to die, but later on in the day I was feeling so dang good.  I want to do that workout again and I will push myself to do even better.

So, the 15 day results...  Some weight loss (slow and steady wins the race), better complexion (for this time of year, my skin actually looks fresh), where did my droopy eyelids go?? :),  and my anxiety is down.  I think the mental relief is the biggest deal.  Can't describe it in words...but the weight on my shoulders has been lifted.  

Looking forward to the next 15 days!

Keep on keepin on!