Wednesday, March 14, 2012


So I have decided that the ultimate KEY to my success is to be on top of my numbers, every minute, every day.  When I'm not THAT DILIGENT, I fail.  EVERY time.

So my plan is this:  Go with my new calorie number.  It's pathetically low; 900-1000 calories per day.  But the sad sad sad sad sad fact is, I LOSE WEIGHT when I eat this amount, and I DON'T LOSE WEIGHT when I eat more than this.  So, what are my options???  I've been counting calories for TWELVE years.  I know my Magic Number; have ALWAYS KNOWN IT.  I just didn't think I could do it.  And seriously, 900-1000 calories per day is a ridiculously tiny amount of sustenance.  The key to surviving on so little is to make EVERY single calorie count.  In other words....... ALL REAL FOOD.  Fresh veggies and fruits.  Lean meats and fish and shrimp.  NO WHEAT.  NO white-flour carbs of ANY KIND.  (Bye-bye, crackers... bagels... cereal... pasta... chips... FUN... )  And beverages - don't even get me started here.  ICE WATER.  Hot tea, cold tea, tea tea tea.  Mineral water. (Aaaaaacccccckkkkkkk!!!!!!!!)  NO POP - diet or real.  <sniff>

I know, I know.  It sounds horrendous.  But you know what's even MORE horrendous? 

ME:  In jeggings I've worn since Christmas, because they're the only thing I own that fits. 
ME:  With my 25-year high school reunion looming, and 27 pounds yet to lose. 
ME: Yo-yoing since I started dieting in September of 2010!!! 
ME:  Wah-wah-wah-ing to anyone who will listen, when I know as well as anyone that the only person who is going to get these 108 sticks of lard off my ass is my own pathetic loser self. 
ME:  Who is fit enough to do the elliptical, the treadmill, or go for a walk outside, but who makes every excuse in the book why "I can't do it today." 
ME:  Who will be 27 pounds over-weight forever, if I don't just fucking throw some ice water over my head, get up OFF my fat ass, and do something about this problem that controls my thoughts, my attitude, my time, my days, my LIFE.  ME.  ME ME ME ME ME. 
Yeah, ME.

So it's ON like Donkey Kong, bitches.  And I mean that in the sweetest way!  Time to clean out the cupboards and get the crap out of reach.  How can we be expected to resist food cravings when we surround ourselves with the wrong food options???  We CAN'T.  NOBODY CAN.  Eat up what you have left, and then get to the store.  I just went.  I stocked up both the fridge at home and at work with all of my favorite healthy options for breakfasts (oatmeal, Ezekiel bread for toast, eggs, Greek yogurt, fruit), lunches (gobs of fresh veggies, hummus, lettuce, berries, chicken breasts to bake, low calorie-low-sodium soups, tuna) dinners (venison, shrimp, tilapia, more veggies, brown rice, sweet potatoes), and snacks (gluten-free protein bars, homemade venison slim jims, low-fat string cheese, rice crackers, popcorn, more veggies & fruits, etc.). 

It's amazingly easy to find healthy stuff to eat when you put enough time and effort into really thinking about what you LIKE.  I am finding that there are plenty of healthy things I like to eat - I don't have to starve, even when I'm starving.  Today, I'm staying within my calorie limit: 900-1000 total, spread out over the whole day, and I'm not feeling hungry.  The protein in my eggs, Greek yogurt, and string cheese have squashed my usual cravings.  Eat the right foods... cravings don't happen!  I'm eating so much fresh produce now that I could probably support a small organic farm myself.  I'm pretty happy we have decent gardens at home, because I'm going to be FARMING this summer!

The exercise has to happen for me, period.  The elliptical is good - I don't hate it.  I can throw in a True Blood episode and I don't even notice I'm sweating away.  Same goes for the treadmill.  I also LOVE Tae Bo - it's tough to get through the Basic Workout the first 4 or 5 times you do it, but it's only 20 minutes!!!  And I lose weight when I do it just once a week, and after a few times, it's totally do-able without complaining.  The ab/agility ball is another thing I have to implement.  I bought one, and have never used it - even though it came with an instruction booklet showing a dozen different ways to strengthen my core, flatten my abs, etc.  WHY would I let it sit in the bathtub for 6 fucking months?!?!  Tell me THAT.

So it's on - I'm doing it.  My best tip:  SET GOALS.  Little ones, for every few weeks:  Mine look like this:

By March 31st (St. Scholastica Pow Wow) - 6 or 7 pounds to lose
By April 21st (UWS Pow Wow) - 8 or 9 more pounds to lose
By May 5th (Fond du Lac Pow Wow) - 5 or 6 more pounds to lose
By June 1st - final few pounds to lose!!!!!!!

And each time I reach a mini-goal, I'm rewarding myself!!!  With a NON-FOOD item!!!

At my 3/31 goal, I'm getting waxed & a new piercing, in St. Paul.  (Mid-life crisis, ya know...don't ask...)
At my 4/21 goal, I'm getting my hair cut & colored - I've never had a pro color it!
At my 5/5 goal, I'm getting a new tattoo - and two new piercings.  Yep.  (The child-free trip to St. Paul is part of the reward, duh!)
At my 6/1 goal, I'm getting adjusted (YEAH!) by my cute chiropractor, and I'm getting a MASSAGE!!!

Go for it, ladies!!!  GOALS.  Small and do-able.  FUN rewards!  PAMPER yourselves for succeeding at the most loathsome task ever invented:  Peeling fat from the body, without the benefit of sharp tools.  DISGUSTING!!!

1 comment:

  1. Abdominal exercises are quick to do and require no equipment and are probably the most powerful types of exercises for achieving flat abs at home.