Wednesday, January 25, 2012



I have had a couple of VERY CRAPPY food weeks.  It never fails to amaze (and disgust) me to see how L-O-N-G it takes to lose a measly @#$%* FIVE pounds, and how LITTLE TIME it takes to GAIN five pounds.  On December 26th, I weighed 155.5.  This morning, I WEIGHED 156.0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been trying, working, starving, fighting cravings, avoiding my favorite foods, ignoring hunger, ignoring SANGRIA, and whimpering myself to sleep for the past MONTH - and for what?!  Of course I've cheated here and there, DUH.  OBVIOUSLY.  And yeah, we had a birthday party for my husband last night.  And yeah, I ate a bowl of chili (homemade, with venison) with basmati rice and a piece of cake (gluten-free and organic!).  And yes, I also ate a few crackers (rice, of course!) and drank two glasses of moscato.  But to be HEAVIER than I was a month ago this morning?!  How did I gain three pounds in 3 hours?!

Needless to say, my motivation is in the crapper today and I've already guzzled a can of Dr. Pepper and a can of Coke Classic (which I am sucking on now), as well as an "Everything" bagel with eggs & fake cheese, AND a huge piece of the "fake cake" I made for the other party attendees - Pillsbury dark chocolate with chocolate-fudge-lardy-preservatived-horrid frosting.  

Yes, it's sad but true.  Today, I DON'T CARE WHAT I EAT, or how much additional damage I do.  I SERIOUSLY want to crawl in a hole.

Sorry for the downer - I'd rather be inspiring and uplifting.  But what I guess I really need is for someone to slap me silly (at least verbally) and tell me I look as hideous as I feel.

1 comment:

  1. O.M.G. That photo has to be doctored. PLEASE tell me that's fatcam.


    How was that?

    In my opinion, the carb/sugar addiction is much harder to beat than we think it is... We all fall down and give in to it, but we have to just get back up and try again. Do you notice how crappy you feel mentally after a good binge? Down on yourself, feelings of just giving up and turning into that disgusting person in the picture above. I hear that little devil in my head telling me "You really don't need those people that are 'helping' you. You can still eat the good stuff and be perfectly fine." I get very negative and down on everything.

    Then I go back to eating right, and poof, the negativity and depressing thoughts vanish and I'm feeling great again.

    I have a good support system outside of my home and if it wasn't for those people encouraging me and making it so it's fun... well, I'd be pushing 200 lbs. You need that live person in your face asking you the tough questions. Making you accountable.

    DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!! You need to go easy on YOU. We all have our bad days or weeks. Eventually, the good habits will overcome the bad stuff. And really successful dieters will tell you that it can take years before you finally "get" it.

    I had pizza for lunch. So much for 4 weeks refined flour free. It was dalish, but an hour after I needed a nap. Then the oil slick on my face kicked into full gear and we were pumping the grease by the barrel. I need to wash my hair again today; that's how gross I am.

    Was it worth it? No. Was it dalish? Yes, very. Will I die? No. Will I go back to my better habits tonight? Yes! Will I move on instead of feeling guilty? HELL YES.

    Will you move on instead of feeling guilty???

    I'm waiting....

    Are there other habits that you could change for the better that will also help to encourage healthier eating? It's so hard. And exhausting.

    For example, I'm starting to look for healthier options for cleaning in my home. Better supplements to take. Better skin care. It all ties into healthier diet, too.

    Good luck! Keep writing!!