Monday, August 22, 2011

So Disappointed with Myself

I KNOW I can do this, and the reason I know it is because I Have DONE IT BEFORE.  It's not impossible.  It doesn't even FEEL impossible!  I'm not sitting here banging my head against the wall saying, "What am I doing WRONG?!" Because I already know the answer.  I am so bogged down by my life.  I feel like everything in my life and my crazy-ass schedule and my responsibilities to my husband and two kids are all working against me and my potential for weight-loss.  I KNOW what I'm supposed to eat every day, and how much I'm supposed to eat of it.  I have the information - I am ridiculously well-informed and have done the research needed to succeed!  And I know that I need to get on my treadmill and elliptical if I'm going to lose anything, at least 4 times a week.  I also bought the big squishy ab ball, with a booklet of exercises included, and it hasn't been touched ALL SUMMER.  It sits there, mocking me.  As though to say the hard abs are there for the taking, now "why don't I just TAKE them already?!"

I'm hate complaining to others about crap that gets me down.  My husband knows how frustrated I am, but there isn't anything he can do to change our crazy lives.  His own schedule is even busier than mine.  I had wanted to lose 40 pounds by the beginning of June, and I managed to lose 21.  But the in the past  month, I've gained EIGHT of that back!!!  This has me in a tailspin right now.  We just completed yet another family eat-a-thon over the weekend, with the toddler's 3rd birthday bash.  Which of course, as you all know, means a fridge full of leftover baked beans, veggie and chip dips, at least 5 cans of Coke Classic, two half-cakes, and half-full family-sized bags fo Cheetos and Doritos.  And did I mention the Hershey bars?  Piles of mini-Hershey bars and chocolate money (toddler's faves for the party, ya know...).

I have started today with perfect intentions, as I start every day.  I'm sipping fridge-brewed raspberry iced tea as I type this, though what I really wanted was a Coke.  So, this is good.

This is bad.

Two seconds after I typed the above sentences, my husband walked into the office and asked me if I wanted to go out to breakfast at Perkins!  Yes, of course I do.  What a question!!!  So we went.  I was as good as I could have possibly been at Perkins.  I ordered a "Build-Your-Own" omelette with mushrooms, tomatoes, peppers, and onions.  NO cheese.  No fried potatoes or hash browns.  DRY whole wheat toast, which I smeared with peanut butter.  A little dish of fruit that was mostly honeydew melon.  And a Diet Coke, because my ice water just wasn't cutting it for me, and which also gave me an INSTANT headache.  Which I am paying for now.  These are the random "food events" I'm always complaining about.  It seems as though they happen non-stop in our life.  And most of them aren't events that I can just say, "Sorry, not me, not today, maybe next time...!"  All I can do is try to eat as little as possible or choose the healthiest thing available when it happens.  

I'm so stuffed right now that I can barely type.  So much for Monday!  Treadmill tonight...


  1. Hey, NOBODY would say, "No thanks, I don't want to have breakfast at Perkins." Nobody! You ordered well. You could have had an endless plate of pancakes and bacon and sausage and hashbrowns on the side. With a giant chocolate milk. Don't beat yourself up. Ya gotta live!

  2. True dat. I was drooling over the new breakfasts they have. I almost ordered "thick-slab French toast slices stuck together with STRAWBERRY-FLAVORED CREAM CHEESE. Plus Berries. Plus whipped cream. PLUS SYRUP! But I didn't. But I wanted to.

    4:20 p.m.... Still full from my 10:15 stomach-stretching breakfast, uuuurrrrgggghhhh. Which means I'll have to fight the urge to eat supper at 10:00 tonight. LOL.