Thursday, September 1, 2011

So Many Carbs, So Little Time

Very tired today.  Slogged down by too many diet-unfriendly foods, not enough exercise, (OK, NO exercise since last week...), and my motivation has flown the coop.  Even with visits here to pump me up, even with the ice water jug to sip, even with a freezer full of my favorite calorie-counted vegan meals and a fridge full of Greek yogurt and yummy fresh produce, I feel like crap.  This is so strange for me.  I know I can't really get my motivation from anyone but myself, but I honestly don't know why my attitude is so sucky this week.

I guess it's a combination of things.  Went to the cabin last weekend, loved it there, but didn't eat well.  Came home, 4 pounds heavier, and had the Monday blahs when I woke up at the start of the week.  Tried to stay in the positive-attitude-groove, but failed.  Ate instead.  Felt like crap as a result, physically and emotionally.  Repeated the above on Tuesday, Wednesday, and today.  So now, what?  I'm supposed to find my "eat great" motivation on a Friday morning?  ROTFL!

OK, I have to snap out of this, ladies.  I know so much of this is emotional - I've had an insane month and I am probably just being hard on myself, but I can't help it.  Have any of you ever been to "couples therapy?"  It's a blast, let me tell you.  Tip:  ALL YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GET OUT OF THERE IS EAT THE WORLD.  And if we're sitting there being analyzed by a shrink, is it too much to ask that I actually SHRINK, rather than expand?  Just sayin.'

So today was bad, food-wise.  Big Apple Bagel-egg sandwich and a 20 oz. COKE (I told you; I fall off that wagon once in awhile...), and it got worse from there (pre-psych jitters).  Afterwards, you're just so glad to be away from the brain-probing that you just want to reward yourself however you can for surviving.  Session #2, COMPLETE!  Now where is my pound of Lifesavers Gummies?!

The psycho-babble is a good thing.  It will help my hubby and me learn how to communicate more effectively.  We're not in critical-mass mode, by any means.  We're just looking for a third-party opinion on some of our most nagging husband-wife issues.  Stuff we can't seem to agree on or compromise on or get past since we met in 2006.  And hey, insurance covers it, so we're going!  Yay.

I truly hope to make tomorrow a great eating day.  I'll stick to my plan as well as I can, and I'll stop in here throughout the day to see what's new.  It helps me.  A LOT!!!

Have a great night, ladies...

P.S.  These meals are FABULOUS!!!  I recommend all of them!  Super One has them, though I'm not sure where else!


  1. I know how you feel... or at least I think I understand. I had been feeling like I was carrying around this extra 50 lbs of mental weight. I was unmotivated and just too tired so naturally the will power just wasn't there.

    I think that couples therapy is a great idea and major kudos to you for going. It certainly couldn't hurt.

    What does Kristin do for Kristin everyday? And I'm not talking about when you exercise or meal plan or organizing the sock drawer. Something that you truly enjoy to recharge your internal battery?

    I'll share with you that this summer, I was DOWN. Very down and full of anxiety, resentment, guilt... so I went in to see my counselor that I had seen a couple years ago when my daughter was dealing with an illness that sent me over the edge. He asked me "If you had an hour of guilt free time just for yourself, what would you do?"

    Honestly I couldn't even answer him. I didn't know what I'd like to do that would bring me some happiness or a content feeling.

    I had to start working on "me time". So hard to do when we are mothers, I think. I had to sit with Brian and talk about us being better to eachother by letting the other have time out.

    It was a start. Wasn't long after that that I called Lisa. I wish you could find a "Lisa" a mile away from your house...I'm fortunate there. She's inspiring and for that 15 to 30 minutes, I get to be me and get real.

    I have fears that I will lose this inner motivation and get sick of this new life style in a few months. But that's then, I need to live in the now. A day at a time.

    Maybe this is a little too much of me just babbling on an on...

    go drink some water!

  2. Keep babbling! I need it as much as I need the water!!!!!!!

    I have no "me" time. I completely understand your question, and I know that this is the single-most important thing lacking in my life. This is the #1 reason that I wanted to go to therapy with the hubby - he has LOADS of free time, and he even has "guy time" with friends, and he keeps telling me "if you want to go do something, just ask - what do you want to do?" And I stand there and look at him, and I can't fill in the blank. What I REALLY want to do is magically be 17 again for a few hours. I want silence. I want no people around me, ANYWHERE. I want my bathroom, and thus BATHTUB all to myself, and I want to pour a glass of sangria or a hot cup of tea and just soak my stress away. I want to get out of that hour-long soak and go read my Nook for three hours, uninterupted. I want to turn my cell phone off, unplug my computer, chuck my car keys in the garbage, and just SLEEP for an entire day/weekend.

    In short, I want ALONE TIME. I remember being single, and how lonely I thought I was. I've been married and divorced before, and even though I had those single years in-between, I was raising my now 15-year-old, so I was all alone. When I met my current hubby in 2006, and we had our now-3-year-old in 2008, I had no idea how much I was going to miss SILENCE. It's the one thing I crave more than anything, and it's the one thing I never have.

    So I eat.


  3. P.S. That should have read, "...even though I had those single years in-between, I was raising my now 15-year-old, so I WASN'T all alone." Duh!

  4. OMG. 2 opposite ends of the spectrum... early teenage years and a THREE Year old??? I feel so bad for you. Everyone warns you of the terrible twos... Hello? Three was HELL! I can't even imagine 15. You are exhausted. I prescribe some mandatory "mommy time". Work on that part little by little. It does make a difference.