The hangover.

Anne was a little naughty; she hopes Santa doesn't put her on that list...

Well, actually I didn't dive totally into the deep end of the sugar plum fairy's pool.  I waded in it just enough to get the carb induced hangover.  It's not good.

It all started with that stupid cold that I caught two weeks ago; wasn't making the best choices - but not the worst choices either.  Just sorta blah.  Then the white chocolate covered popcorn found it's way into our house, then the truffles, then the M&M's, and the sugar cookies....

December 26,  those treats either got polished off or sent to the trash... the 27th, the cravings started.  Like overpowering, overwhelming cravings.  Pictures of Coke on ice were flashing in front of my face and the thought of eating one more piece of succulent milk chocolate was making my mouth water!  I had a massive headache!  Oh, it's real.  It's very real.  I'm such a believer in food addictions now.  Don't try to convince me that it's just in my head because the physical symptoms of sugar withdrawal are horrible. 

I went to exercise last night for the first time in two weeks, and it felt good!  Today I've been reading and re-reading my food bible (a collection of articles about why wheat is the devil) and have been inspired to do better for myself.   

I am going to go wheat free starting Jan 1st (see my other post from today) and am contemplating a war against all refined sugars.  Whatever sugar hangover I have left in my brain is protesting that one so strongly that it hurts to even think to much about it.  I'm trying so hard to stay strong.  Plans have been made to see Lisa and then a good walk with my dog.  Gotta do positive things to stay occupied before I unconsciously drive over to Mickey D's and order up a large fry.

United we stand!!

I'm challenging YOU!

YES!  YOU!

Anne here with an important announcement.  As of January 1st, 2012 am taking the 4 week wheat free challenge.  Not 99.9% wheat free either.  100% no wheat.  That means I need to cook my meals and really watch what ingredients I'm using...  did you you know that gliadins (wheat proteins) are snuck into already processed foods just to make them more addictive?? 

Now, this isn't the biggest challenge that I could take on as I really have cut out most breads, bagels, crackers and other crunchy snacks.  But I do still eat them occasionally.   So for four weeks, no pizza crust (but I have a no starch crust recipe to try - uses cauliflower! genius!), no breads, no cookies.... NADA!

Who is in with me??

(insert cricket sound)

OK... so maybe these articles will help convince you that it's worth trying... (A HUGE thanks to my Guru Lisa for all her research!  So inspiring!!)

The first article is from a fellow blogger, The Defiant Dieter.  She blogs for a newspaper in Vancouver, I think.  She recently wrote a post about how eating more fat is making her thin.  What?   More fat = less fat??  Sounds too good to be true right?  If someone told you that you could slather your food with butter and not feel guilty about it, you'd do it in a heartbeat right?   Um, guess what?  You can.  You want to read more now, don't you??   Check her out at:

http://blogs.vancouversun.com/2011/12/18/fat/

You can also follow her on Facebook.

But wait!  There's more!!  I recently posted a blog about my new fave coconut milk.  Even better than that is extra virgin coconut oil.  You need this stuff!  It's unbelievable.  A natural treat chuck full of all things good AND an appetite suppressor.  I swear it's true!  Check this out:

http://hybridrastamama.blogspot.com/2011/06/80-uses-for-coconut-oil.html

Your welcome!   I have a jar of coconut oil and it's almost gone already.  It's in a solid form and can be found in the health food section of the grocery store or at GNC.  It's great for your whole body, inside and out.  I used it in place of butter in my honey apple crisp and it was great!  I fry my eggs in it, put some in my hot coffee and tea, and just straight up on a spoon (try with a smidge of peanut butter).   Go get some.  NOW!

And if you need one more article to convince you that this is a doable challenge, just read:

http://boingboing.net/2011/10/26/triticum-fever-by-dr-william-davis-author-of-wheat-belly.html

I read articles like this and I'm all sorts of emotions.... angry and inspired to be a better and healthier me. 

One last article, just in case you need more, google "The Oiling of North America".  People!  Wake up!  Vegetable oils are killing you. 

So, grocery store list:  butter, and coconut oil!  Lock up the crackers. Put away the pasta.  NO MORE SODA.   Take the leftover cookies and chocolates and give them to people that you don't like.

The Holidays = MOTIVATION KILLER!

UGH.

I'm having the toughest time getting back into the swing of healthy eating after the holidays.  Is anyone else out there having this problem?  Or am I the only chubby bloated pathetic loser out here?

I've eaten SO MUCH in the past three weeks.  I've gained back SIX pounds.  And my appetite is on over-drive, still!  Totally carb-fueled, sugar-infused, pop-drenched, and salt-soaked.  Chex Mix and Christmas cookies up the waazoo and cases of Coke Classic and Creme Soda and Dr. Pepper and cheesecake bars and Chex mix and maragritas and crackers and GOOD cheese and Cherry-Coconut-Powdered Sugar Balls and did I mention CHEX MIX?!

I'm starving today.  My mother, sister and I technically started a "Christmas Detox" this Monday, with weekly weigh-ins and personal food journals and a private Facebook group (we're the "Shrinking Divas!") and daily reports of our progress and shared motivation.  We're all struggling this week, as we're still surrounded by leftovers.  But soon, they'll all be gone and we won't buy (or bake) any more, for a very VERY long time.

Wishing I could blink these ugly, itchy 6 pounds away.  They SUCK.

My newest goal is to lose 30 by mid-March.  

How's everyone doing? 

A new fave....

Oh yummy!  Coconut milk (not to be confused with coconut water - ewww) is awesome.  I get the creamer for my morning iced coffees, and recently tried the egg-free eggnog and mint chocolate milk.  Dairy free, gluten free, and packed with the good stuff.  (have to watch the added sugar, though)  I just read that coconut milk is has anti-viral and anti-inflammatory properties, so drink up!

And also, don't confuse the brand name "So Delicious" with "Soy Delicious" as that is obviously soy based - which I also like. 

I've been fighting a wonderful cold, so I haven't been too active.  However, I'm still on my plan and haven't gained any weight either.  Looking forward to feeling better.  Soon.  Please!

Push Restart

Hi!  I'm Anne, have we met?   I'm sorry, I must have blacked out there as I almost don't remember that meltdown that I had a week ago.  We reconfigured my brain, and I have rebooted.   All is well.  VERY well, indeed.

I was embarrassed by my behavior after my "Thanksgiving Carb-a-Palooza" and was apologetic for getting so cry-babyish.  But Lisa was sooo supportive and made me realize that sometime we need to have these episodes in order to get back on track.  IT IS OK TO CRY. 

It wasn't that I was feeling guilty for eating the tasty meal of bread and sugar.  I'm OK with treating oneself.  It just had a real effect on my thought process.  It IS like a drug.  That addiction monster was woken up and was telling me things that I didn't like.  I got down and felt that helpless feeling of sinking into a dark abyss, and at that point EVERYTHING in the world is wrong.   I was feeling like I had been back in August, and knew that I didn't want that again.  I was sad because I had been feeling so damn good, then just like that it was gone.  The sadness turned to worry that I had lost that good, good, good vibration for good and that it was only meant to be a short term thing.

WRONG! 

With the help of Lisa's reassuring words, I regained my focus and got back into step with my eating program.  Keepin' it simple.  Back to 4 quarts of H2O a day.  Measuring out my portions (that is where I was starting to slide).  Protein, fruit, veggies, good fats (evoo and butter).  I am LOVING my kettle bells classes and trying to just enjoy that hour.  It's hard work, but the group of people that I am with are funny and good spirited.  I get to laugh!  I get to forget about all the other stuff in my day for that hour and just be a person in a room that makes fun of herself. 

Whatever works, do it.  I'm down 18 lbs, and 23.75 inches of my DNA is gone.  All that fffffftttttt that I've lost is the bad part of me.  I'm keeping the good stuff!

 Keep on keepin' on!!  Have a great weekend!

Craptastic Carb-fest... uuuugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Anne, NO WORRIES!!!  You and I traveled the same exact road on Thursday/Friday/Saturday.  I've gained back SIX pounds since THURSDAY!!!  And I had only dropped 10 since October 17th, which is when I started dextoxing the wheat from my system!  I've been on a rampant eating binge since dinner on Thursday.  I just ate ripple potato chips with Top the Taster dip and a can of Coke Classic for BREAKFAST.  Need I say more?  What could be more disgusting and unhealthy than that?!  Arrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

We had a wild game feed (venison and goose) at our house on Thursday, and then our actual "Thanksgiving" feast was on Friday at my Mom's.  SO MUCH FOOD IT WAS RIDICULOUS.  Turkey (drowning in gravy), stuffing (filled with hamburger and drowning in gravy), mashed potatoes (infused with butter AND sour cream and drowning in gravy), wild rice (with BACON mixed into it and drowning in gravy), squash from our garden (and swimming in butter and brown sugar), green bean casserole, pistachio-marshmallow salad, beer bread my sister baked (the ONLY thing I skipped...simply no room on my over-flowing plate...), jellied cranberries, pickles, olives, pecan AND apple pies with vanilla ice cream, and unlimited beverages - I somehow managed to only drink one Bartles & Jaymes Pomegranate-Raspberry wine cooler and ONE can of Coke Classic.  

I was up ALL NIGHT after this Friday meal, my stomach so stretched out and so bloated that I chowed SEVEN Tums (where did I find room in my screaming stomach for THOSE?!) during the night to combat the HORRIBLE heartburn and acid-reflux I was experiencing.  I vowed during that night that Saturday and Sunday would be perfect eating days, as the festivities were OVER, and I had ZERO desire to eat the leftover turkey/mashed potatoes/stuffing/wild rice/GRAVY that came home with us Friday night.

But what do you think I did instead?!  Yep - I've experienced the same exact thing.  INSANE cravings for bread/cereal/crackers/sugar/salt.  I've been snarfing leftover Chex mix, all of our supposed deer-hunting snacks (Snickers bars, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, granola bars, protein bars, packets of trail mix), bowls of Golden Grahams and Honey Nut Cheerios, corn chips and salsa, potato chips and Top the Tater dip, bowls of ice cream with chocolate chips AND Hershey's syrup, entire boxes of movie candy, and OMG, the COKE CLASSIC - I'll inhaled an entire 12-pack since Thursday!!!

The remorse is devastating.  The guilt, the shame, the knowledge that now I have to literally start over.  I'm almost back where I was on October 17th.  I feel disgusting.  I look worse.  The ONLY advantage I have now over my initial starting point is the fact that I know what to do.  I know how to get back on-track, and I just have to do it.  I CANNOT wait until tomorrow to start - I have to do it NOW.  That's what I was going to do.  I had planned to eat whatever I felt like all day today, in retaliation for what the scale said this morning.  I didn't care if it would mean adding another pound or two to the total gained.  What did I really care?  How much worse is 8 pounds than 6, REALLY?

Then I read your post today.  I wasn't going to check this blog today, because I assumed nobody would post until after the holiday weekend.  But I'm so glad I checked it!  Your post is what has inspired me today.  So I thank you.  Motivation comes from the most unlikely places sometimes, yes?  I'm here to tell you, you're still doing GREAT.  You have had great success already, and you have the information and the ability to plug that knowledge back in now and keep fighting the good fight.  I refuse to let myself be any more bummed-out by the past four days than I already am now.  Earlier this week, when the festivities were still looming, I PROMISED myself that I wouldn't let this happen.  I don't want to be one of those people who show up for the big family holiday feast with a baggie of celery sticks and a water bottle and tell everyone that I can't join in.  That's BULLSHIT, yes?  We have to LIVE.  And no, that doesn't mean that we have to BINGE, but it does mean that if we allow ourselves to join in with family and friends and enjoy foods and beverages that we don't normally indulge in, it does NOT mean that we're failures - or that we're WEAK.  IT DOES NOT.  What it means is that we're HUMAN BEINGS.  Food isn't just sustenance.  Eating is a social activity for humans.  It's togetherness, it's enjoying life, it's sharing favorite things, it's revelry.  It's LIFE.  (Jeez, I think my carb-addled brain is falling into too-deep territory here...LOL!)

What we need to do now is NOT "figure out where we lost our self-control," or "figure out where we went wrong."  We didn't.  We ate a few foods that were bad for us, which snowballed into eating a few more bad foods for a few more days.  That is ALL we did.  We didn't do any lasting, permanent damage to our weight - OR to our self-esteem or our motivation or our ability to lose the pounds again.  We only do lasting damage if we can't figure out how to put the brakes on the speeding bullet-train now!

When I started to read your post, I had just finished my first can of Coke this morning.  I was just about to go run to the fridge for a second one.  Instead, I ran and made myself a cup of tea - thanks to you.  I had also just eaten a pile of ripple potato chips slathered in Top the Tater dip.  After reading your post, I ran downstairs and handed the bowl of chips to my toddler - who was very happy to get chips for breakfast along with her Greek yogurt - and I quickly thought, "What am I DOING?!"  I rarely give the kids greasy, salty chips.  This bag was leftover from sometime in September, LOL!  So I let her eat a couple, grabbed the bag back, and gave her a dish of rice cakes and snap peas instead.  She loved that even more!  

I'm back on-track now.  The rest of today will be a perfect food-choice day, despite my shaky beginning.  So many times, I eat horribly ALL DAY, simply because the day started out badly.  Changing this pattern is a huge challenge for me, and one that I've dealt with my entire life.  I so often think, "Well, I've already blown it today - what difference will it really make if I just eat whatever I want today, and start over being good TOMORROW?"

NO!!!!!!!  It DOES matter!  Every meal matters.  Every food choice matters.  Holiday revelry and family gatherings aside, every time we choose good food over unhealthy food, it matters - and that one little choice inches us closer and closer to our final goals that much faster.  The process is such a s-l-o-w one already.  Why would I want to slow myself down even further by WASTING entire days?!  I will not do it!

Keep it up, Anne...and the rest of the ladies checking in here!  You can ALL do this!!!!!!!

Photographic proof of my Thanksgiving sins

Anne went on a carb binge....

Anne-xiety

This little monster is back with a vengeance.  EF'ing sugar and over-processed wheat.  Not kidding, I had a major meltdown this morning...OK, and afternoon, too that had me sobbing into a tissue wondering "What the hell??"  I was this close to calling my therapist.

I went in for a visit with Lisa instead, then did a kettle bell workout with Dr. Pat and THEN came home and vented to Brian.  I am OK. 

Thanksgiving day was a glorious time...we spent the day at Wayne and Stacy's (my bro) and really had a nice time being together.  I was concerned about dinner and was a little nervous about coming face to face with the big spread.  My sis-in-law can COOK.  OMG she's such a darn good cook!!  It's not right!!  So of course this was no small challenge of self control.

BUT then I convinced myself that the 16ish pounds that I've worked so hard to lose would not be regained after one meal and that I should just enjoy myself.  I was going to make love to that stuffing!!  (not in front of the kids of course...)

I had no idea the full Monty effect that ONE carb loaded meal would have on me.  It took it's toll.  Friday, I was craving the worst of the worst foods.  I would have killed for a Pepsi with a Mountain Dew chaser and a side of Hershey's Kisses.   I almost went to McD's and asked them for just a cup of deep fryer fat.  I am NOT kidding.  FOOD was all I could think about!! 

Lisa texted all of her slimmers this morning something about how crappy food just sets up cravings for more.  At that moment I realized how right that is and I was scared shitless.  I did NOT like that feeling of getting off track and it spiraled into all kinds of crazy thoughts and depression and guilt.  I felt like I was shrinking.  SO not happy with myself.  Not happy with anything around me, really.  The guilt brings on resentment.  Anger.  Frustration.  Then BAM!  Uncontrollable tears.  How could I have been so happy and clear in thought for so long then just like that *snap* be confused and sad. 

hmmm....I am back on my regular plan.  Back to my 3-4 qts of water a day.  No bad carbs and starches.  Good meat.  Good veggies.  Fresh fruit.  Look in my fridge and you'd be so proud.  It looks like a produce dream.  I'm gonna detox this awful crap outta my body. 

It's not just the food that brought me crazy down, but I do believe that it was the major factor.  You know how the holidays are not always so easy to handle and there is just enough stress in our lives to make it that much more unbearable.   I think that the stuffing and white bread that I had an affair with on Thursday afternoon was what set off the avalanche that buried me this morning.

It's not an easy journey sometimes.