Sunday, November 27, 2011

Craptastic Carb-fest... uuuugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Anne, NO WORRIES!!!  You and I traveled the same exact road on Thursday/Friday/Saturday.  I've gained back SIX pounds since THURSDAY!!!  And I had only dropped 10 since October 17th, which is when I started dextoxing the wheat from my system!  I've been on a rampant eating binge since dinner on Thursday.  I just ate ripple potato chips with Top the Taster dip and a can of Coke Classic for BREAKFAST.  Need I say more?  What could be more disgusting and unhealthy than that?!  Arrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had a wild game feed (venison and goose) at our house on Thursday, and then our actual "Thanksgiving" feast was on Friday at my Mom's.  SO MUCH FOOD IT WAS RIDICULOUS.  Turkey (drowning in gravy), stuffing (filled with hamburger and drowning in gravy), mashed potatoes (infused with butter AND sour cream and drowning in gravy), wild rice (with BACON mixed into it and drowning in gravy), squash from our garden (and swimming in butter and brown sugar), green bean casserole, pistachio-marshmallow salad, beer bread my sister baked (the ONLY thing I skipped...simply no room on my over-flowing plate...), jellied cranberries, pickles, olives, pecan AND apple pies with vanilla ice cream, and unlimited beverages - I somehow managed to only drink one Bartles & Jaymes Pomegranate-Raspberry wine cooler and ONE can of Coke Classic.  

I was up ALL NIGHT after this Friday meal, my stomach so stretched out and so bloated that I chowed SEVEN Tums (where did I find room in my screaming stomach for THOSE?!) during the night to combat the HORRIBLE heartburn and acid-reflux I was experiencing.  I vowed during that night that Saturday and Sunday would be perfect eating days, as the festivities were OVER, and I had ZERO desire to eat the leftover turkey/mashed potatoes/stuffing/wild rice/GRAVY that came home with us Friday night.

But what do you think I did instead?!  Yep - I've experienced the same exact thing.  INSANE cravings for bread/cereal/crackers/sugar/salt.  I've been snarfing leftover Chex mix, all of our supposed deer-hunting snacks (Snickers bars, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, granola bars, protein bars, packets of trail mix), bowls of Golden Grahams and Honey Nut Cheerios, corn chips and salsa, potato chips and Top the Tater dip, bowls of ice cream with chocolate chips AND Hershey's syrup, entire boxes of movie candy, and OMG, the COKE CLASSIC - I'll inhaled an entire 12-pack since Thursday!!!

The remorse is devastating.  The guilt, the shame, the knowledge that now I have to literally start over.  I'm almost back where I was on October 17th.  I feel disgusting.  I look worse.  The ONLY advantage I have now over my initial starting point is the fact that I know what to do.  I know how to get back on-track, and I just have to do it.  I CANNOT wait until tomorrow to start - I have to do it NOW.  That's what I was going to do.  I had planned to eat whatever I felt like all day today, in retaliation for what the scale said this morning.  I didn't care if it would mean adding another pound or two to the total gained.  What did I really care?  How much worse is 8 pounds than 6, REALLY?

Then I read your post today.  I wasn't going to check this blog today, because I assumed nobody would post until after the holiday weekend.  But I'm so glad I checked it!  Your post is what has inspired me today.  So I thank you.  Motivation comes from the most unlikely places sometimes, yes?  I'm here to tell you, you're still doing GREAT.  You have had great success already, and you have the information and the ability to plug that knowledge back in now and keep fighting the good fight.  I refuse to let myself be any more bummed-out by the past four days than I already am now.  Earlier this week, when the festivities were still looming, I PROMISED myself that I wouldn't let this happen.  I don't want to be one of those people who show up for the big family holiday feast with a baggie of celery sticks and a water bottle and tell everyone that I can't join in.  That's BULLSHIT, yes?  We have to LIVE.  And no, that doesn't mean that we have to BINGE, but it does mean that if we allow ourselves to join in with family and friends and enjoy foods and beverages that we don't normally indulge in, it does NOT mean that we're failures - or that we're WEAK.  IT DOES NOT.  What it means is that we're HUMAN BEINGS.  Food isn't just sustenance.  Eating is a social activity for humans.  It's togetherness, it's enjoying life, it's sharing favorite things, it's revelry.  It's LIFE.  (Jeez, I think my carb-addled brain is falling into too-deep territory here...LOL!)

What we need to do now is NOT "figure out where we lost our self-control," or "figure out where we went wrong."  We didn't.  We ate a few foods that were bad for us, which snowballed into eating a few more bad foods for a few more days.  That is ALL we did.  We didn't do any lasting, permanent damage to our weight - OR to our self-esteem or our motivation or our ability to lose the pounds again.  We only do lasting damage if we can't figure out how to put the brakes on the speeding bullet-train now!

When I started to read your post, I had just finished my first can of Coke this morning.  I was just about to go run to the fridge for a second one.  Instead, I ran and made myself a cup of tea - thanks to you.  I had also just eaten a pile of ripple potato chips slathered in Top the Tater dip.  After reading your post, I ran downstairs and handed the bowl of chips to my toddler - who was very happy to get chips for breakfast along with her Greek yogurt - and I quickly thought, "What am I DOING?!"  I rarely give the kids greasy, salty chips.  This bag was leftover from sometime in September, LOL!  So I let her eat a couple, grabbed the bag back, and gave her a dish of rice cakes and snap peas instead.  She loved that even more!  

I'm back on-track now.  The rest of today will be a perfect food-choice day, despite my shaky beginning.  So many times, I eat horribly ALL DAY, simply because the day started out badly.  Changing this pattern is a huge challenge for me, and one that I've dealt with my entire life.  I so often think, "Well, I've already blown it today - what difference will it really make if I just eat whatever I want today, and start over being good TOMORROW?"

NO!!!!!!!  It DOES matter!  Every meal matters.  Every food choice matters.  Holiday revelry and family gatherings aside, every time we choose good food over unhealthy food, it matters - and that one little choice inches us closer and closer to our final goals that much faster.  The process is such a s-l-o-w one already.  Why would I want to slow myself down even further by WASTING entire days?!  I will not do it!

Keep it up, Anne...and the rest of the ladies checking in here!  You can ALL do this!!!!!!!

Photographic proof of my Thanksgiving sins

No comments:

Post a Comment