Saturday, November 26, 2011

Anne went on a carb binge....

This little monster is back with a vengeance.  EF'ing sugar and over-processed wheat.  Not kidding, I had a major meltdown this morning...OK, and afternoon, too that had me sobbing into a tissue wondering "What the hell??"  I was this close to calling my therapist.

I went in for a visit with Lisa instead, then did a kettle bell workout with Dr. Pat and THEN came home and vented to Brian.  I am OK. 

Thanksgiving day was a glorious time...we spent the day at Wayne and Stacy's (my bro) and really had a nice time being together.  I was concerned about dinner and was a little nervous about coming face to face with the big spread.  My sis-in-law can COOK.  OMG she's such a darn good cook!!  It's not right!!  So of course this was no small challenge of self control.

BUT then I convinced myself that the 16ish pounds that I've worked so hard to lose would not be regained after one meal and that I should just enjoy myself.  I was going to make love to that stuffing!!  (not in front of the kids of course...)

I had no idea the full Monty effect that ONE carb loaded meal would have on me.  It took it's toll.  Friday, I was craving the worst of the worst foods.  I would have killed for a Pepsi with a Mountain Dew chaser and a side of Hershey's Kisses.   I almost went to McD's and asked them for just a cup of deep fryer fat.  I am NOT kidding.  FOOD was all I could think about!! 

Lisa texted all of her slimmers this morning something about how crappy food just sets up cravings for more.  At that moment I realized how right that is and I was scared shitless.  I did NOT like that feeling of getting off track and it spiraled into all kinds of crazy thoughts and depression and guilt.  I felt like I was shrinking.  SO not happy with myself.  Not happy with anything around me, really.  The guilt brings on resentment.  Anger.  Frustration.  Then BAM!  Uncontrollable tears.  How could I have been so happy and clear in thought for so long then just like that *snap* be confused and sad. 

hmmm....I am back on my regular plan.  Back to my 3-4 qts of water a day.  No bad carbs and starches.  Good meat.  Good veggies.  Fresh fruit.  Look in my fridge and you'd be so proud.  It looks like a produce dream.  I'm gonna detox this awful crap outta my body. 

It's not just the food that brought me crazy down, but I do believe that it was the major factor.  You know how the holidays are not always so easy to handle and there is just enough stress in our lives to make it that much more unbearable.   I think that the stuffing and white bread that I had an affair with on Thursday afternoon was what set off the avalanche that buried me this morning.

It's not an easy journey sometimes.

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