Can't do it

Reboot, you say?  How, exactly, does a person do that in the summer when every day is a fucking celebration?  I don't know.  I really don't know.  I'm on my second gin and .... well, I was going to say tonic, but I was too lazy to make it with tonic and lime so I just used ginger ale.  BUT IT WAS DIET GINGER ALE!  I've been eating like a pig every day.  Surprisingly I've only gained 1 pound, which simultaneously makes me thrilled and pisses me off.  There were soooooooooooooo many weeks when I was PERFECT and didn't lose any weight and now I eat like a hog for weeks and only gain one pound???  Come on!!!  I can't make myself do this in the summer.  It's too hot to exercise.  There are ice cream bars in the freezer.  HOT DOGS, PEOPLE!  GRILLED HOT DOGS!  I put my swimming suit on the other day and it looks like it was a padded parka.  Oh well, who the fuck cares, really.  There was a girl at the beach about 20 pounds heavier than me and she was wearing a bikini.  A BIKINI.  She was a teenager and she was with another teenage boy and a skinny skinny teenage girl.  The boy could not stop being totally obnoxious to the skinny girl.  He would splash her, and then grab her and pick her up and drag her to deeper water while she playful protested, then they went up to what I can only imagine is their van in the parking lot to do it and left the chubby bikini wearer alone in peace for a while.  I would SO MUCH rather be chubby and left alone, than be the skinny girl and be splashed and dragged around and then brought up to a van to be pawed.  PASS THE CHEETOS!  But when I eat such bad food I get food hangovers.  Really, old-age?  REally????  I will have a bad hangover tomorrow.  I'm just guessing.  I need another sandwich to soak up some of this gin.