Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Desperately Seeking Lost Motivation

Trying to figure out the best way to "re-boot" my motivation here.  I've had about a month of very dodgy dieting.  I don't think it's that I want results any less, but there has got to be some rational explanation for why I was going great-guns for so many weeks, and then, "BLAM!" - attitude shift.  My attitude the past 3-4 weeks has been more one of, "Hmmm...that looks tasty.  Maybe if I just eat a LITTLE..." and then naturally, I eat the entire whatever-it-is, and then I feel guilty, and then I eat more because I feel so crappy about it.  Same 'ol, same 'ol.  It's always the same.  The only difference is that this time, I had been seeing some real results prior to the slackishness.  Now I just NEED to re-boot my desire to FINISH what I started, and re-set my goals.  

I think I've allowed myself to be too affected by the goals that I set and then didn't reach.  Back in February, I had estimated that I could feasibly lose 3.5 pounds per week, which would have had me hitting my 40-pounds-lost goal by the first week in June.  I WANTED to hit that mark so bad I could taste it!  (Mmmmmm, I bet it tasted good...)

So I did great, lost 19.0 pounds in about 11 weeks...then started waffling.  (Mmmmmmmmn waffles...) 

I started slacking with keeping track of calories, and I started eating the foods that I had made completely off-limits during the previous many weeks of dieting/denial.  I know I'm lucky I didn't gain back the entire 19 pounds in the past month, seriously!

I haven't exercised AT ALL in a MONTH!!!
Today, I'm starting again.  I'm drinking ice water (with nothing in it, ICKY!), counting every bite (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz), and aiming for 1100 calories by the end of the day.  It WORKS.  And after re-vamping my goal to a loss of 3.0 pounds per week instead of 3.5, I should hit my 40-pound loss by July 25th.  

I feel really good setting this new goal.  Yeah, all it really means on paper is that I've already blown half of my summer-swimsuit time.  But if I don't re-set my goals NOW...I'm afraid the guilt and depression I'll feel over coming so close to success and then screwing it up will make me a completely miserable wretch to be around after summer evaporates.  

I HAVE to do this.

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