Monday, April 30, 2012


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Sarah.  So glad to read your post.  I am RIGHT THERE with you, on all of it.  I am in "desperation mode."

I am starting a group, this month.  I REALLY want you to be in the group.  We'll meet every fourth Wednesday of the month (to give us 2 weeks between Book Club food binges, yyyyyaaaaaccccckkkkkkkk)

The Club is going to be a "Healthy Lifestyle" Club.   (Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha)

BUT................................. with a twist.

It's not going to be about dieting, or weigh-ins.  I'll have a scale if people want to do a monthly weigh-in at the meeting, but it's up to them.  It's going to be part cooking and sharing of healthy recipes and meal ideas (we'll cook one thing each meeting, and everyone can bring in one healthy recipe they've found, so people can go home with a handful of new, healthy stuff to try...)

In addition to cooking, it'll be part gab-fest.  Going around the circle and telling how our month has gone, food-wise, weight-wise, emotions-wise, etc.  We all know the real reason we over-eat, right?  All women - at at least all women I KNOW - are emotional eaters.  We over-eat for a reason, and it's almost always tied to our feelings of failure about our weight, fear of not succeeding, disgust with ourselves about letting ourselves go, worry we won't be attractive to our man, mental and physical exhaustion caused both by the extra weight and the emotional effects that has, etc.  I intend to research, read, and find out the answers, and more importantly, figure out a way to make those answers available to help our group members.  I miss teaching, and I feel like I have information I need to share with women going through the same things I am.

So it'll be social, healthy snacks, emotional support, making friends, finding someone to go for a walk with, and generally just a reason to get out of the fucking house once a month that won't result in a 1500-calorie binge, like Book Club is.  I enjoy Book Club, I do.  But every time I go, I gain 3 pounds, and that depresses the shit out of me for a week.

I'm only inviting a few people to join club.  My Mom, Dana, you, my cousin Anne (who is also trying to lose weight), Anne's daughter-in-law Leah, my work supervisor Linda, three women who are either married to or dating friends of my husband, my friend Sue (from UMD days), and if there's anyone else from Book Club who REALLY wants to come, they can.  All of these people won't come, so I'm not worried.  I think we'll end up with 6 or maybe 7 people at the most.

I'll write to you more when I have more details.  Right now I'm in the planning stages, but it's going to be basically:  SUPPORT.  Women talking to other women about all of the issues you wrote about above.  We're all dealing with this shit. 

Re:  the 1000 calories goal - you can do it.  I am doing the same, for a couple weeks, to kick-start myself.  Again.

Do you have an elliptical or treadmill at home?  I have had an epiphany this week.  I started doing a SLOW workout EARLY in the mornings last Monday.  I always thought I would HATE trying to exercise in the early mornings, because I'm always so fricking exhausted when I open my eyes.  Come to find out, it only took TWO mornings on the machines and I was HOOKED!  I was so charged up the past 8 days about sticking with it that I did seven morning workouts in the past eight days!!!  I watched True Blood episodes and now I'm watching the Twilight movies again.  I can't believe I'm saying it, but I LOVE getting my blood pumping in the morning.  The added benefit is, it helps control my hunger all day!  I am constantly thinking about not wanting to ruin the good I did by exercising that morning, so I put down the chocolate and walk away, rather than saying, "WTF?!  I probably won't even find time to work out today anyway."

I have 61 days until my husband's class reunion, and my own is the week after his, on July 7th.  I have to lose 2.8 pounds per week to hit my goal.  I already have accepted the fact that I may not reach that, but I'm NOT going to let myself quit trying.  Summer is coming.  I don't want to be fat through another entire summer - AGAIN.  And I am carrying 24 pounds more than what my clothes comfortably hold right now.

I'll write more soon...  keep up the good work.  ICE WATER IS THE MAGIC PILL.  I hate it.  Always have.  But all pop - even diet - causes fat storage.  Sugar IS the devil.  But artificial sweeteners are the devil's bitch.  I know you've read all this, and I'm only sharing it because I NEVER THOUGHT I'd ever be able to kick my pop habit.  I would switch back and forth between real pop and diet, thinking I couldn't live without both.  I kept telling myself "it's my ONLY vice!  It's better than smoking or drinking alcohol!"  But really... it's not better.  All pop is poisonous.  Artificial sweeteners are even worse than natural sugar.  If you can, cold-brew some ice tea in your favorite fruit flavors.  I love peach and raspberry.  Sweeten it with a little turbinado sugar or Truvia (less processed than white granulated).  It TOTALLY satisfies the craving for a pop of any kind.  All I've been drinking this past week is ice water (sometimes with a slice of lemon), ice tea, (lots of flavors), and hot tea.  A glass of 1% milk here and there, and coffee once in a while, too.  You CAN do this.  The minute pop is gone from your system, the belly starts to shrink.  It's TRUE.

More soon......................................

WHERE are these men?!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

I'm back on

I am so sick of being fat and avoiding having my picture taken.  I'm so sick of feeling like an old, past my prime, invisible dufus.  I'm SO tired of my pants being so tight and only being able to fit into the biggest of the sizes I have.  I'm so frustrated trying to diet.  I really really hate dieting because you do what you think you are supposed to do, and suffer and then get on the scale at the end of the week and there's been no change.  I'm so tired of trying to think of it as a "lifestyle" change because the more I've tried to think of it like that, the more like bullshit it seems. Lifestyle Change sounds so mild and casual when what I'm dealing with here is a major problem.  The lifestyle change can come after I lose 20 pounds, right now it's an emergency.

Eating for me is like a bad habit.  If I was a smoker I could just STOP smoking.  If I was a drinker I could STOP drinking, but I'm a chronic over-eater and guess what?  I can't just stop eating.  But that is how I've decided to think of it.  I am going to stop eating.   I know that isn't possible unless I want to starve to death and I would NEVER let that happen, but I have to think of this like breaking a bad habit.  I am going to stop eating for any reason but having enough energy to struggle through the day.  It probably won't work, but what the fuck else am I going to do?  I'm at a loss.  I have to think of food as subsistence and not recreation.  I have to think of sugar as poison because really, that's what it is.  It's delicious poison, like cyanide or anti-freeze is, but it's poison nonetheless.  Before I started this drastic diet, I recorded what I ate on Slimkicker and saw that every day I was WAY over the recommended sugar intake.  Fruit and veggies provide more than enough sugar so sweets have no place in my diet.

The first stage of this process is desperation.  I am on a less-than-a-thousand calorie regimen until I lose enough weight where my pants aren't uncomfortable.  I figure that will take at least a couple weeks.  Then hopefully the next stage won't be so desperate and I can up the calorie intake to between 1000 and 1200 a day.

Also, I'm using the Slimkicker site that I mentioned before because of the nutrition stats it provides.  I can see exactly how much cholesterol, protein, sodium, sugar, carbs, fat and calories I'm eating every time I log in what I ate.  My goal is to keep all the things pretty much even but it's proving to be hard.  I have been eating eggs for breakfast every day and that puts me over the cholesterol level right away.  I have a hard time getting enough protein so I bought meat and fish and beans today to try to increase that.  I always worried that Diet Coke was way to high in sodium but that's B.S.  My daily allowance for sodium is 2400 mgs and a DC only has 40 mgs.  I'd have to have 60 Diet Cokes to reach the limit.  Yeah, sixty.  One baby dill pickle has 110 mgs of sodium.  So Diet Coke is my guilt free treat and the only concession I'm giving myself.

I've been at this now for three days, ever since my sister and I went to McDonalds and I had a Big Mac meal and instantaneously got diarrhea.  It's like that burger was on a slide and shot out of me in about 20 minutes.  Needless to say, I felt like crap all day.  And why?  For 15 minutes of enjoying the overprocessed beef and secret sauce?  No thanks.  Also, a few weeks ago I had some Cheez Its, which I love, but they sat in my stomach like a tudball.  Not worth it.  Ralph Nader said once that when he was a kid and wanted junk food, his mother said that he can't be a slave to his tongue.  Good point, Mrs. Nader!  Look how skinny Ralph is.

I'm not very good at dealing with discomfort so I don't know how this is going to work out.  Wish me luck.  

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

How Many Times Have I Started Over? And Should It MATTER?!

I am, once again, reinventing my weight-loss strategy.

I have 27 pounds to lose in 74 days, or roughly 2.55 pounds per week.  This is borderline too ambitious for me (for most people?!), but you know what???  I have ALWAYS performed better under extreme pressure.  I am convinced this is why I sabotage myself when trying to lose weight:  If I don't have a deadline; a goal date by which I MUST HAVE THE POUNDS GONE, then my unspoken mantra tends to be, "What's the rush???"

So, onward.  I wanted to type a big long spiel tonight and I've spent most of the past two hours IMing with people I haven't talked to in awhile, so... I will post more asap.  I still check this blog every day or two, because I do get pumped up reading about everyone else's trials and tribulations and successes and tips and ideas and great food info.!  Keep it all coming, ladies!  And thank you for sharing!!!  :o)

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Slimkicker - Cool New Website

Like every middle aged American woman, I'm overweight and I fret about it.  I could stand to lose about 30 (50) pounds but I HATE dieting.  I know how to do it.  I know I have to eat different foods than would be my first choice, but come on, when I'm craving salt and vinegar kettle chips, can I settle for rye crisp instead?  No way.  I'd rather eat nothing.  I hate that.  Part of the problem is that dieting is so lonely.  If you talk about it with people not dieting they are bored out of their skulls because nobody cares if I got up early and did a workout, or if I ate half a jar of pickles instead of a sleeve of Ritz Crackers.  But when I'm dieting, it's almost all I can think about.

Things I've done in the past to lose weight:

1.  I once did nothing but count calories and I lost about 25 pounds.  I didn't exercise, and I ate whatever I wanted but stopped when I hit my calorie limit.  There were days when I only ate chocolate chip cookies and drank pop.  I gained all the weight back plus more.

2.  I exercised so hard for a few months that I lost weight and changed the shape of my bod, but there is no way I could have maintained that level of exercise for the rest of my life.  It was brutal.

3.  Found some apps that track food and calories.  That was kind of fun because there is no way I can lose weight unless I keep track of what I am eating.  It's like trying to do accounting without knowing the dollar amounts of what you are actually accounting for.

The first option was stupid.  There is nothing there worth adapting. I probably lost muscle and gained fat.  The second option was good, but like I said, being who I am, I could never keep it up.  Moderation is the key for me when it comes to exercise.  The third option was fun, but got kind of tedious after a while.

I got an email from a woman a while back that said she was on a team developing a weight-loss website and would I be interested in reviewing it on my blog?  I told her I would try it out and write about it.  I am not really in a dieting mode lately, but I thought I'd join the site and go through the motions anyway just for the review.  I LOVE the site.  It's called Slimkicker and it's at

Its more like social networking than keeping a food log.  I joined the site, made a profile, entered my ideal weight and we were off.  It calculated what I need for calories and nutrition.  I have to enter food into a log, and I think almost every food - brand name and restaurant included - is in the database.  After I enter my food in I can click onto a nutritional allowance page and see if I got enough of the nutrients I need.  I think this is fascinating.  I never get enough fat or protein.  I always go way over on carbs and sugar.  I'm pretty good at getting the right amount of calories, fiber, and cholesterol, but I'm way out of whack on the rest.  I never knew that before.

I like how this site is more like a game than a diet.  You get points and can move up levels when you earn enough points.  You get points for entering food, exercising, eating good foods, doing challenges etc.  I get a little thrill when I eat some peppers or something and get a bunch of points.  When I earn enough points to go up a level, I get a treat.  My treat that I chose is a cupcake.  (Holy counter productive!)  You can get friends on the site too.  I have a bunch already and they check in with me and ask how I'm doing.  I love it!  I'm still not in a dieting mood and don't really feel like reaching any kind of weight deadline or goal, but I'm having fun playing on the site and I feel good when I meet my nutritional needs and don't go over or stay too far under.  It's fun!  You should check it out.  If you decide to join, friend me!

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Hey Chunkers!!

Anne here!  I'm alive and doing fairly well.  I go thru some pretty intense carbing out phases...seems like an every other week regimine.  I do really good at avoiding the crap, then I binge like a mad woman.  Then I feel like crap...physically and emotionally.  This has been a relatively good week with the exception of yesterday... I ate a half a pizza and then we went to friggen Cold Stone.  That place is EVIL!!!  EEEEEVVVVIIILLLL!!!! 

But I have been kicking ass in my workouts, which has also kicked my appetite in high gear.  I'm always hungry it seems and I want to take an entire roast beef and sit in a locked room and have my way with it!  Protein. GOOD.    Dr. Pat has got me swinging a 60 lbs bell.  YES!  I can do it!!  I hate/love it.  I just loathe the idea of picking up that heavy ass bell and hoisting it from between my legs up to eye level.  I wet myself.  No matter how hard I try to empty out the bladder, there's always a squirt or two (or 1/4 cup) left for pissing myself.  Thank you to the makers of Poise for making it a little more descrete for me. 

But, BUT!! the second I'm done and I drop that weight on the floor I feel insanely amazing!!  Like I could cry tears of joy.  I'm proud of what I've accomplished and I feel like I'm floating off the ground.  Dr. Pat is currently training a guy that does fighting.  I think it's like a mixed martial arts thing...need to get more details, but he tells me that I can press more than this guy and he's in phenom shape.  It's so inspiring to know that I can do that! 

Some days later, I'm seeing the results in the mirror and I'm even happier.  After my last weigh in, I've lost something like 24 or 26 lbs and I love that I've done it the right way. 

Kristin! I have another thing for you to read... in addition to "the wheat belly", now there's "Diabesity".  Google it!  I'm reading an article about it in a magazine that Lisa gave me.  Let's get real about our blood sugar!   When I'm done devouring this article and comprehending all the info, I'll come back here and write about it.   It's enough to scare a person straight.

p.s.  I'm back in therapy.   Just when I thought I was done sitting in that lovely comfy chair in my counselors office...BAM!  I'm back...  As easy as it is for me to say "You're either with me or you're not" to my loved ones that aren't exactly the best supportors, it was taking it's toll.  Anne was sad.  Mr. J is helping me with that though...he did say that change, even a positive change, can bring some resistance from others around us and we're working on that.  Brian has even agreed to join me in some of my sessions... I don't think he even realizes that he can be a real negative nelly.  When I told him about some of my issues, he was genuinely shocked and has been much more caring and careful about it.   

It's a journey, huh?